#as you can see my personality is based on Harry Styles and his songs | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cinemastyles-backup · 1 year ago

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BMWB

Summary: an anon request - “can you do a one shot where y/n is in the band and for some reason Harry and her don't get along and they end up fucking?? Like not enemies to lovers but more or like enemies to fw because they're so good at it ??? Pleaseeeee”

Warnings: SMUT18+, strong language, lots of arguing, oral (both), fingering, biting, hair pulling, filth

My original CinemaStyles-blog has been terminated, so I created a new one.

MAJOR ASSHOLE FRAT BOY HARRY

"One, two, three, four." Harry screams into the mic and bobs his head to the music. I strum my base, close my eyes and tilting my head as I feel the music.

My eyes suddenly snap open when Harry starts to yell, "Stop. Stop. Fuckin' stop." I lay my fingers over the edge of my bass and sigh, "What now, Styles?"

I know he's talking about me, he's always talking about me.

He scoffs and shakes his head, "Are you even here with us right now? Because the he only thing you should be focusing on is getting the beat of the fucking song right. Jesus christ."

I roll and shut my eyes and take a deep breathe, "Harry. Chill out man. She was doing fine." Niall says setting down his guitar, "Maybe you need to ta-"

Harry cuts him off, "Maybe you just need to shut the fuck up."

"If you don't want me to pla-"

Zayn cuts me off, "No, y/n. You're the best bass player we've had, Harry's just having a bad day."

Harry shifts his weight to his left leg and puts his hands on his hips, "You know wh- fine. Take a fucking break, all of you."

He walks off the stage and throws his water bottle.

"What the fuck is his issue lately?" Louis says walking up, "Don't take it personal, y/n. Harry can be.." he trails off his words.

I sigh, "Egomaniacal? Asshole-ish? Cocky? I can stand here all day."

They laugh and I look over my shoulder, "I'll try and talk to him. If the screaming at each other stops call the coroner because I've strangled him with his mic cord."

I set my bass down gently and walk in the direction Harry went.

I look left and right and walk down the hall. I stop as I see Harry leaning against the wall. He turns his head towards me and looks away with an eye roll, "What do you want?"

"I want to know why you're all of a sudden coming at me?" I cross my arms, "We were fine and now yo-"

"Just go practice because you obviously need it." He pushes off the wall and walks towards me. I grab his arm as he goes past me, "No. I don't obviously need that, Harry. What I need, is for you to tell me what the fuck your issue is."

He laughs and tilts his head back, "Like I'd ever talk to you about what's bothering me. Go the fuck back to the stage. We have a show to get perfect."

He pulls his arm away and scoffs, "Don't ever fucking touch me again."

"Don't ever fucking yell at me again." I shoot back.

He stop waking and turns around, "Oh? So now you're the boss? Telling me what I can and can't do?" He walks up to me, "Let me tell you one thing, sweetheart." He leans in, his face an inch away from mine, "I'm the boss. You do what I say when I say it, hmm?"

I roll my eyes at him, "Mm. We'll see."

I step around him and walk back to stage. Before I enter back, I look over at him and smile, "You coming? We have a show to make perfect." I smirk and push the door open.

"Is he dead?" Louis asks with a slight laugh.

I shake my head, "Not yet." I pick my bass up and gently strum the strings. Harry walks in and everyone goes quiet.

"Let's get this fucking right." He says just loud enough for us to hear. He walks up and takes the mic off the stand and looks around at us, making sure we're ready.

"One, two, three, four."

——

"You guys are on in five." Liam, the crew manager says. I nod and finish applying my lipstick, "Okay."

"Don't fuck this up." Harry says leaning against the door frame to my dressing room. I look at him in the mirror, "Is that you threatening me or demanding me?"

He rolls his eyes and shakes his head, "Sometimes I just wanna-" he clenches his jaw and tilts his head, "Nope. Not happening."

"What?" I turn around and lean against the table, "You wanna what, Styles?"

He stares at me, and in that moment, if looks could kill. I'd be dead.

He walks up to me and brings a hand up, his thumb gently pulls down my lower lip, "Sometimes I just wanna gag you with my cock so you shut the fuck up for once."

He drops his hand, "Like I said, don't fuck this up."

He leaves the room before I have anything to say, which I don't. Harry just left me absolutely speechless.

"Hey, y/n. Let's go. We're up next." Louis knocks on the door, "You okay?"

I blink and turn around quickly, wiping away the smudge of lipstick Harry's thumb left, "Yeah. Coming."

——

The whole show, I was on edge.

On edge because of what Harry said.

On edge because he looks so fucking hot in that tight Green Bay jersey.

On edge because he kept looking over at me any chance he got.

On edge because he was fucking with me.

We finish the song and the crowd goes wild. Screaming for Harry. Screaming for me. Screaming for all of us.

"Give it up for the amazing band behind me." Harry says while clapping, "Niall, Louis, Zayn.." there's a pause before he says my name and the boys glance towards me then look back at Harry, "And y/n who actually did very well tonight."

The crowd screams and I force a smile and wave.

I shook a glare back at Harry and he smirks behind his mic, "We're going to give you guys one last song and then we're off to Phoenix!"

Harry walks around stage as we start to play the final song of the night, "Let's go!"

——

We exit the stage and I immediately walk up to Harry and shove his shoulder, "What the fuck was that?"

He cocks his jaw and smirks, "I know you didn't just shove me."

I go to shove him again and Zayn grabs my arms, "Settle down." I pull my arms and he gets louder, "Settle down, easy y/n."

"Why would you fucking say that?" I yell, "I actually did well tonight? What the fuck Harry!?"

He chuckles and shakes his head. He motions for Zayn to let me go and he puts his arm around my shoulder, "Let's take a walk and talk about this."

I push his arm off of me, "What so you ca-"

"Now, now." He cuts me off, "Just come on." We walk down the hall to the door with his name on it, "In."

I roll my eyes and push the door open. I walk in and turn around, ready to start losing my absolute shit on him but he holds his hand up, "I get under your skin."

"Yeah the fuck you do." I cross my arms, "And you do it on purpose."

He walks over and pours himself a drink, "Because you make it so easy."

"By what? Giving you a reaction?" I huff, "Do you want me to ignore you? Quit the band?"

"Why would you quit the band?" He asks bringing the glass to his lips. He lowers it and shakes his head, "You're the best bass player I've had, y/n. I don't want you to quit."

His words confuse me and I know my face shows it.

"He sits down and rests one arm straight out on the back of the couch and brings a leg up over his other, "Sit."

I find myself always listening to his stupid little commands so I shake my head, "No. I'll stand." He chuckles, "Hmm. Okay. Suit yourself, sweetheart."

I roll my eyes, "What do you want, Harry." I state, "Because if you're just going to sit there and-"

"You. I want you."

"Excuse me?" I laugh, "Did you just say you- you want me?"

He nods, "Yeah. I believe that's what I said."

"You're not serious."

"But I am." He finishes his drink and stands up, "You see, y/n. I really don't like you, for reasons I'm not open to telling you just yet." He sets his glass down and walks over to me.

I stay silent and watch him as he gets closer, "We have our issues that, well, the whole band can see, right?"

I shrug, "I-"

"Shut up." He says louder. His voice goes back to normal and he walks around me, his chest presses against my back and he moves my hair off my neck.

My breathing gets faster and I bite my lip.

"There so much stress while touring, right?" His fingers drag up my shoulder and neck.

I nod.

"I want you to be my little stress reliever." He leans down and licks up my neck, "No strings attached."

I shut my eyes tight. Fighting off every urge to turn around and give into him.

He's an asshole.

He makes your days a living hell.

He gets under your skin in the most annoying ways possible.

All the thoughts run spin around in my head and I let out the breathe I've been holding.

"What do you say? Huh. We help each other out and when you piss me off.. I get to fuck my anger out and fuck that annoying little attitude out of you."

I want to say no so bad. I want to turn around and slap some sense into him, but the idea of being Harry's fuck buddy is just so overpowering.

"You can speak now, sweetheart."

"Y-yes."

"Good answer. Now get on your knees." He places his hands on my shoulder and pushes me down. I land on my knees and bite my lip, looking up at him as he walks around to stand in front of me.

He starts to undo the belt on his jeans and he gives me a smirk.

"What?" I ask as I tuck hair behind my ear.

"Do I make your nervous?" He chuckles, "No need to be nervous."

I roll my eyes, "Please. If anyone should be nervous here, it's you."

"How's that?" He asks shoving his jeans down, "I'm not nervous one bit. Excited actually."

I raise my eye brows and laugh slightly, "Why because you're about to shut me up?"

"Exactly." He pushes his boxers down and pumps his cock in his hand a few times before pushing the head of it against my lips, "Open for me."

I part my lips and he pushes his cock in, letting out a groan.

I wrap my lips around his cock and swirl my tongue. I work my way down, getting him wet enough, teasing him slightly before I give him exactly what he wants.

I sink his cock into my throat and he moans.

I shut my eyes and control my breathing through my nose before I bob my head, gagging around his cock.

"Ah." He moans out, "It's nice to hear the sound of you choking on my cock rather than you speaking."

I ignore his words and continue to fuck my throat with him, working him up until he places a hand on my head, "A-alright. We can come back to this. I wanna see that ass of yours bent over."

I pull off and wipe my chin off with my wrist. He pulls me over towards the couch and slips his shirt off. My eyes flicked up and down his toned, tattooed torso and he grips the hem of my shirt pulling it up over my head.

"You know, y/n." His eyes move up and down my bra covered chest, "You are pretty fuckin' hot."

I smirk and unbutton my jeans, "So are you."

He smirks and watches as I take my jeans off, kicking my shoes out of the way. We both stand there naked and his hands reach out to explore my body.

I close my eyes as he leans in, sucking random spots on my neck. I moan out quietly and bring my hands up to his arms.

Wow, he isn't yelling at me to not touch him.

His hand moves down and pushes between my legs. His finger slides between my folds, "You're fuckin' soaked, sweetheart."

I part my thighs and dig my nails into his skin as he circles my clit, gradually applying a harder pressure.

I whimper and tilt my head back. Harry kisses and sucks spots under my chin and jaw line.

"Harry." I moan out quietly, "Fuck me."

He chuckles against my skin, "Are you demanding?"

I bite my lip, debating on what I should say before my mouth speaks on its own, "What if I am?"

He sighs and pulls his hand away from between my legs, "Then you get more time without my cock in that desperate cock hungry pussy of yours."

He walks over and gets another drink, "I'm going to enjoy this drink. Sit down and, oh I don't know." He shrugs, "Convince me that you're deserving of my cock going into your pussy."

I chew the inside of my lip and nod, "Okay."

I sit down on the couch and smirk as I bring my legs up and spread them. He pauses and stares at my open legs. I bring my hand down and rub circles onto my clit, moaning.

I need Harry to touch me.

"Afraid you won't get me to cum?" I tease, "Am I going to have to fake it with you then do it myself later?"

He roughly sets his glass down on the table and stands up, "There you go again.. running your mouth."

I bite my lip and sink my fingers into my pussy, letting out a loud gasp, "What? Im just asking questions."

He scoffs, "You have no idea."

"Mm. I think I do." I tilt my head back and moan. A smile grows on my lips as I feel the couch sink down.

"You'll be begging me to fuck you after this." He moves my hand and replaces it with his own, his rings roughly hitting my skin as his fingers pump in and out.

I arch my back off the couch and moan, "Fuck."

He shifts back and bends down, attaching his lips to my clit. I let out a gasp and put a hand on his head, grabbing a fistful of his hair.

He moans against me and that causes me to moan. I clench my walls around his fingers as I feel myself approaching my orgasm.

My eyes roll back and I smile as he did exactly what I wanted him to do.

He pulls his fingers out and licks up my pussy. He pulls away and moves up, rubbing the head of his cock against my clit, "That didn't seem fake to me."

I smirk and my mouth opens as he shoves his cock into me without warning, "Fuck." He smirks and tilts his head as he pulls out and thrusts back in.

He grips my hips tight and fucks me. His lips part as his eyes shit and a moan escapes his lips, "Shit, y/n."

I grab his wrists and arch my back, "Harry." I whimper, "Fuck."

He leans down, pressing his lips to mine as he continues thrusting. I drag my nails up his back with one hand as I pull myself to desperately cling to him with the other.

He gently bites my bottom lip and moans.

I tilt my head back and he kisses up and down it.

For a moment I would have thought I wasn't having sex with the asshole I shoved in the hallway, but with Harry who actual gives a shit.

He moans against my neck and pushes his cock deep into me, "This pussy is mine." He whispers in a deep, raspy voice.

"Yours." I breathe out, "Yours."

He goes back to thrusting and attacking my neck. I wrap an arm around his neck and sink my nails into his shoulder as I cum around his cock.

"Fuck." He groans lowly, "You feel so fucking good."

I whimper in his ear, "You fuck so good."

He smirks and kisses my cheek and over to my lips. Our lips move in perfect sink and he pulls out and I can feel his cum shoot out into my stomach.

He continues to kiss me, his hand pulls my hips closer to his. He slowly leans back and looks at me, "Who's pussy is this?"

I roll my eyes and smirk, "Yours."

"Damn right it is." He leans up and looks around, "Um.." he gets up and grabs a towel, "Here." He tosses the towel down next to me as he cleans himself off.

"Thanks." I wipe myself off and sit up, I lean over and grab my clothes, slipping my panties and jeans back on, "So what does this mean?" I smirk and laugh.

He shakes his head and smirks, "Nothing more than band mates with benefits."

——

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nickssidewitch · 7 months ago

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🔥 If The Sturniolo Triplets were Musicians 🪩🎤🎸 (Tarot Reading Kinda) 🔥

This is kind of based off of a random tarot reading and spiritual channeling I did recently, but also just something I brainstormed for fun!!

Don’t be afraid of sending asks of other tarot readings you would like to see, even if you would like a personal reading for yourself! I’m open to anything!

Enjoy! 🔥✨

🥶 Matt Sturniolo:

Genre(s): Pop; Soft Rock; Acoustic; some Hip-Hop features. That’s the type of music Matt listens to anyway, so he’s bound to stick to that quota. I can hear his music sounding similar to Olivia Rodrigo, Omar Apollo, Harry Styles, Shawn Mendes, Hozier, and The 1975.

Content of Songs: Introspective Views of Himself, Love, Friendships, Heartbreak, Emotions, Serious Topics such as mental health, and of course, the occasional sexy love-making anthem. Most (if not all) of his songs would be based on personal experiences around these topics. Some of them may be loosely based on observations of experiences that other people, like his friends or family, may go through.

Instrument(s) of Choice: Guitar, Drums, Piano. Matt would definitely eat up these instruments. He seems like a very hands-on type of guy, so having an instrument or a couple of sticks/mallets in his hand would satisfy that when it comes to the instruments he would choose. He would spend months learning and perfecting these instruments, and wouldn’t be afraid of performing with them on stage. He also loves the sound that a natural instrument brings to a song, rather than just electronic or manufactured sounds.

Specialty: Songwriting and Background Vocals (BGVs). He would be noted for his abilities to portray or express any emotion, time period, or setting in his songs’ lyrics. He would spend years of his career evolving his songwriting, and he could also win awards for songwriting alone. He’s also very good would stacking vocals and creating harmonies in the background of the main vocals. If you’ve seen/heard the way artists like Mariah Carey, Beyoncé, Jacob Collier, Ariana Grande, or Charlie Puth stack their vocals, then you’ll know what I’m talking about.

What Label?: He would sign with Columbia at first, amongst the likes of artists such as Harry Styles, Beyoncé, and Adele, but after a while (or when his contract ends) he will go off on his own and become indie.

Relationship with fans: Cordial with boundaries, but also intimate when meeting fans individually and privately. If you’re familiar with Harry Styles, for example, Matt’s interactions with fans would be quite similar. He will have online interactions with them, but that would decline as the years go by and as he grows in popularity. He would absolutely have a talk with a fan if he meets one on the street somewhere because he feels that a one-on-one conversation would be much more meaningful to that person than just doing autograph signings with a large group of people. He could also chat with a fan in their DMs if he saw something while scrolling through socials about them (i.e. if they painted a portrait of him he would send a DM to thank them, or if a fan randomly said something concerning about their mental health or living situation that randomly popped up on his timeline, he would send them a quick message of encouragement and possibly even help them out financially if need be). He also wouldn’t be afraid of hearing their feedback or criticisms on anything, whether music-related or not.

☔️ Nick Sturniolo:

Genre(s): Pop; Disco; Nostalgic, Experimental; House. Again, this is music that he enjoys to listen to, so it’s something he would be comfortable doing. That doesn’t mean he can’t or won’t branch out though. He could do a couple of acoustic songs as well if he was in the mood to do so (usually the sadder songs). It would have a sound reminiscent of the 80s to the early 2010s, but just very “Nick”. Dua Lipa is a good example of this, but honestly, no artists�� music sounds like the songs I hear in my head that he would make. Again, just very “Nick”.

Content of Songs: From super fun to sad, but nothing depressing. He wants people to feel good when they hear his songs, and wants them to have replay value, even becoming hits that will consistently be played even after his retirement from music.

Instrument(s) of Choice: Electronic Instruments. I feel like Nick would learn little bits of different instruments like basic scales only to do little tune-ups or music production fixes, but he is definitely not someone to play an instrument when he gets on stage or to do a stripped version of a song. He loves the sound of real instruments for sure, but it’s something about just having a universal selection of instruments at your fingertips with just a click of a mouse or tap of drum pad.

Specialty: Production and Music Videos. Nick would LIVE in the studio for days, even WEEKS, to perfect the ensemble of a song or the visuals of a music video. He already is a great photographer, videographer, and an amazing editor for YouTube videos, so why wouldn’t he excel at directing and editing music videos, especially his own? He might be the type to think that no other director, producer, or editor sees his vision for how he wants the video to play out, or hears the song the way that he hears it in his head. Even when he has to meet with other producers to master a song, he’s literally there overseeing everything to make sure they don’t mess up his stylistic choices.

What Label?: Atlantic Records, amongst artists like Melanie Martinez, Ava Max, Kelly Clarkson, Bruno Mars, Charli XCX, and Cardi B.

Relationship with Fans: Interactive, Protective, and Loving. It’s giving “ride or die”. If people come after his fans in a negative way, he will literally protect them and fight off anybody in their way. He’s also the type to interact with fans on social media and wouldn’t be afraid of taking pictures or videos with/for fans. He’s the type to make little games or clues about his next projects, just to stir the fans in a frenzy. He loves his fans dearly and doesn’t forget to say “I love you” with every post he makes, but if his fans are being naughty (i.e. running along with false rumours, posting him and a partner he chooses to keep private, being mean to other fandoms or artists), he’s not afraid of putting them in their place. He’s like the “Momma Bear” of the fandom and will give them tough love if necessary.

🦁 Chris Sturniolo:

Genre(s): Pop; Genre Fusions; Experimental; Hip-Hop/Rap features; some R&B. He’s a man of vast music taste, and so he’s a man of vast genres. He loves to experiment with different genres, even some that he’s only just heard of, and loves to fuse genres together to create something he would call “fire 🔥”. His music would song similar to Frank Ocean, Janelle Monae, RAYE, The Weeknd, Destin Conrad, and SZA. On hip-hop and rap features, he would sing in choruses or sometimes even do a little rap verse for fun, similar to how Justin Bieber does it. One wouldn’t be surprised if he blended his songs with genres like reggae, bachata, or any genre that isn’t your traditional “American” or “popular” genre.

Content of Songs: Love, Heartbreak, Enlightenment, Revival, Fun, Party Anthems. From his own love life, to having fun at parties, to feelings of renewing himself and evolving, Chris would be transparent about his life journey while also giving his audience a chance to have fun for themselves and live in the moment unapologetically.

Instrument(s) of Choice: Guitar, especially electric guitar; bass; electronic instruments. He has signature guitars that his fans know and love, and they even give his guitars little nicknames because of how familiar they are with seeing him playing them. Chris would even call his guitars those fan-given nicknames because of how much he would see them on social media.

Specialty: Live Performances. This man would OWN the stage. His presence would immediately have everyone, even the security guards of the venues, go into a trance. His award show performances would be one of the most talked about of the night, bringing you interesting visuals and new arrangements of his songs.

What Label?: Independent, but many labels would try to scout him. He would also maybe join a friend’s label.

Relationship with Fans: Very Interactive, especially before, during, and after live performances. He loves to interact with fans online, often trolling them about certain conspiracies they may come up with regarding his next projects. He loves to show love to fan-art, edits, and even music reactions on YouTube. He would go on Instagram Lives (or any other streaming platform) for updates on music, touring, etc. He would be the type to bring fans up on stage to dance or sing, or give his microphone to fans in the front row willing to sing their hearts out. He would make jokes on stage or interact with signs. Before and/or after shows, he would talk to his fans, have meet-and-greets, or do little Q&As during sound-checks. And yes, he would crowd-surf.

#sturniolo triplets #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #chris sturniolo #matthew sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #nickssidewitch #tarot #tarot reading

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uglypastels · 23 days ago

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Spotify Wrapped Blurb Challenge - 2024

It's that time of the year... My Spotify Wrapped Blurbs are back!*

This blog's somewhat unofficial End-Of-The-Year celebration, but if you're new here, a quick explanation:

My inbox is upon for prompt-based blurb requests

But the prompts are the titles of my top 100 songs from this year's Spotify Wrapped.

So, send me a number/title from the list + which character you want me to write for

+ any additional info you want to include, if you have any specific ideas for the blurb (i.e. au, setting, trope, plot points)

Blurbs can be Fluff/Smut/Angst - and you can check my general guideline post for specifics

One rule: we listen, and we don't judge music tastes.

And please reblog to boost the post

See character and prompt list under the cut 🩷

Characters List:

Eddie Munson (Stranger Things)

Steve Harrington (Stranger Things)

Logan Howlett/Wolverine (X-Men)

Sanji (One Piece [Live Action])

Roronoa Zoro (One Piece [Live Action])

debut: Anthony Bridgerton

debut: Benedict Bridgerton

Prompt List:

And I'm up for negotiations of other characters if you ask nicely :p

It is also implied that the blurbs are character x reader.

Espresso - Sabrina Carpenter

Too Sweet - Hozier

obsessed - Olivia Rodrigo

Fortnight - Taylor Swift ft. Post Malone

Down Bad - Taylor Swift

HOT TO GO! Chappel Roan

Feather - Sabrina Carpenter

End of Beginning - Djo

I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can) - Taylor Swift

Good Luck, Babe! - Chappell Roan

so american - Olivia Rogrigo

Calling After Me - Wallows

I Can Do It With A Broken Heart - Taylor Swift

Red Wine Supernova - Chappell Roan

Nothing Matters - The Last Dinner Party

Fainted Love - Conan Gray

Guilty as Sin? - Taylor Swift

Please Please Please - Sabrina Carpenter

Poison Poison - Reneé Rapp

Bourgeoisieses - Conan Gray

So High School - Taylor Swift

Bed Chem - Sabrina Carpenter

Your Apartment - Wallows

BIRDS OF A FEATHER - Billie Eilish

So Long, London - Taylor Swift

Taste - Sabrina Carpenter

Not My Fault - Reneé Rapp ft. Megan Thee Stallion

As it Was - Harry Styles

My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys - Taylor Swift

Coincidence - Sabrina Carpenter

Houdini - Dua Lipa

Murder On The Dancefloor - Sophie Ellis-Bextor

But Daddy I Love Him - Taylor Swift

Nonsense - Sabrina Carpenter

Kiss You - One Direction

Super Graphic Ultra Modern Girl - Chappell Roan

imgonnagetyouback - Taylor Swift

LUNCH - Billie Eilish

What Makes You Beautiful - One Direction

De Selby (Part 2) - Hozier

Florida!!! - Taylor Swift ft. Florence + the Machine

Mama Do The Hump - Rizzle Kicks

Personal Lies - Djo

we can't we be friends (wait for your love) - Ariana Grande

The Tortured Poets Department - Taylor Swift

Wet Dream - Wet Leg

Gloom - Djo

Juno - Sabrina Carpenter

Fresh Out the Slammer - Taylor Swift

Training Season - Dua Lipa

OMG - Suki Waterhouse

Good Graces - Sabrina Carpenter

The Albatross - Taylor Swift

Are You Gonna Be My Girl - Jet

Steal My Girl - One Direction

Never Ending Song - Conan Gray

I Look In People's Windows - Taylor Swift

Babydoll - Dominic Fike

Everybody Talks - Neon Trees

Mystery of Love [Instrumental] - Hannah Stater

Cassandra - Taylor Swift

Infinity - One Direction

Are You Bored Yet? - Wallows ft. Clairo

Watermelon Sugar - Harry Styles

How Did It End? - Taylor Swift

Moments - One Direction

360 - Charli XCX

Talk Too Much - Reneé Rapp

I Can See You - Taylor Swift

Sound of the Underground - Girls Aloud

Live While We're Young - One Direction

Lonely Dancers - Conan Gray

Who's Afraid of Little Old Me - Taylor Swift

Pretty Girls - Reneé Rapp

Best Song Ever - One Direction

Javelin - Rizzle Kicks

Peter - Taylor Swift

Disciples - Tame Impala

Midnight Memories - One Direction

Sharpest Tool - Sabrina Carpenter

Cruel Summer - Taylor Swift

Chateau (Feel Alright) - Djo

Taken - One Direction

Hurricane - Bridgit Mendler

I Hate It Here - Taylor Swift

Alright - Supergrass

I Wish - One Direction

Boys & Girls - Conan Gray

loml - Taylor Swift

Bye Bye Bye - *NSYNC

Stockholm Syndrome - One Direction

Someone New - Hozier

The Alchemy - Taylor Swift

Maneater - Halls & Oates

Strong - One Direction

Change - Djo

The Black Dog - Taylor Swift

Photograph - Stacey Bassetti

Story of My Life - One Direction

Dumb & Poetic - Sabrina Carpenter

Bonus songs [Honourable Mentions]:

a. Skip to the Good Bit - Rizzle Kicks

b. Girls & Boys - Blur

c. Rule the World - Take That

d. I NEED YOU - Jon Batiste

e. APT. - ROSÉ, Bruno Mars

f. King Nothing - Metallica

Tagging besties for a boost:

g. Angel Of My Dreams - JADE

@spiderrrling @deceptive-daydreams @littlexdeaths @mydearzero @hellfiremunsonn @courtingchaos @edsforehead @babybluebex @joequiinn @elvendria @hellfire-state-of-mind @

disclaimer: this author, as much as she wants to write as many blurbs as possible, reserves the right to object to requests for whatever reason, and also has to clarify that requests may not be fulfilled due to motivational or situational problems.

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deathlieteez · 1 year ago

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ATTENTION (4/5)

yunho x reader

♡ attention series masterlist ♡ ┋chapter 1┋chapter 2.1┋chapter 2.2┋chapter 3.1┋chapter 3.2

chapter 4: heaven and back. when you finally met yunho that Saturday night, he confess the reason why he's acting that weird, and it is not going to be a bliss to your heart. feeling more lost than ever, you let yourself be drawn into whatever the night has to offer, though it seems to end up being much more than you can control.

appears: yunho as your exboyfriend x femb!reader + choi seungcheol (seventeen) x son chaeyoung as ur bests friends + yoon jeonghan (seventeen) as ur friend + chwe hansol vernon (seventeen) as seungcheol's friend

genre: angst. college au.

warning: cursing, mean/heartbroken reader, mean/heartbroken yunho, petnames, using/abusing of drugs (don't!!!!!!!), cheating.

word count: 9.1k (oops)

intentional use of lowercase letter

english is not my mother tongue

the chapter is called heaven and back because is sighly based on the chase atlantic's song

songs i get inspired by: heaven and back - chase atlantic + you broke me first- tate mcrae + the grudge - olivia rodrigo + falling - harry styles + creepin' - the weeknd + if you want love - nf + sorry, i love you - stray kids + we go down together - dove cameron ft. khalid + remember that night? - sara keys

the one i recommed the most to read it is the loneliest by maneskin

it is not meant to be representative of jeong yunho's personality or any ateez or another groups' idols who appeared ♡

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see you tonight.

yunho's absence and message made your morning into something infinite. got out of bed as if you had spent the whole night drinking, but what actually felt was a terrible emotional hangover. the memory of yunho haunted you as if he had never left, and almost had the damn sensation of his lips going all over your skin, as well as that sweet smell of his still stuck in your nostrils. his attitude was strange enough in itself to leave you thinking all day, but if you added the idea that he had been with another woman close enough to leave her scent on him, and the fucking fact that he had left you alone in bed after you let him spend the night for the first time after so many pleas, it was going to drive you crazy. was literally all you could think about all morning. it was, in fact, what you were thinking about when your doorbell rang, being so immersed in the memory of your fucking ex that the fright was such that you threw the coffee cup, which you'd been stirring for twenty minutes now while leaning against the kitchen counter, onto the floor. "shit!" you grunt for a moment before the doorbell rings again, and several times in a row "coming, i'm coming!" had absolutely no idea who it was, but it did nothing but fuck your mood even more.

you were very surprised to see that it was chaeyoung. well, an exaggeratedly angry version of chaeyoung. if thought you were in a bad mood, you were a puppy next to your best friend at that moment "i didn't come in just in case that asshole's still here. you better hide him, because i'll chew him up and spit him in the toilet, and u're next" she said pointing her index finger at you, still not crossing the threshold of the door. you sighed, stepping to the side to let her know she could come in.

"easy beast, he's not here." she snorted, entering your house in a bad temper. you couldn't blame her, but she had a lot of things to blame you. followed her into the kitchen, feeling slightly anxious. the only times you had ever seen chaeyoung like that was always when was involved with yunho, yunho's friends or the university. you had never been her target. you knew for a fact how much she loved you, in a practically sisterly way, so you understood perfectly why she practically left a trail of flames wherever she passed by. you would have appeared the same, or worse "careful, there's glass on the floor" you warn, she automatically grabbed several paper napkins and bent down to wipe the huge coffee stain on the floor. you imitated her.

"i've called tons of times, and left lots of messages." she accused, you sighed "the least you could do is call me back" looked at her with a mixture of shame and embarrassment building up in the pit of your stomach. you couldn't say anything, because she was right. not only had you blown them off the night before, but ignored them all and with no reasons. that's probably why seungcheol wasn't with chaeyoung to find out what happened after he left. he was too upset to show up at your house, and it was more than clear that he would have told chaeyoung why you didn't go to the club.

"m so sorry" you mumble, "wasn't in the mood. know that's no excuse, but…"

"but nothing. it's already awfully wrong for that guy to show up at your house at night, but to be ignoring us for him? girl, it sucks" she accuses again and you nod, as if you were being scolded by your older sister "i don't understand how you could even let him into your house, after everything that's happened".

"you know we've been seeing each other, chae" you swallowed after materializing it in words for the first time to someone other than yourself or yunho himself.

"yeah" she groaned in annoyance "but thought u guys fucked at parties or something, not that you let him get into your house?"

"we're all grown up now, chaeyoung" you sigh, picking up a few pieces of glass again, trying not to cut yourself and in the process avoiding her gaze. she stood up, throwing away a handful of soggy papers and picking up a few more to continue drying the floor.

"oh really? well doesn't look like it" she then growls "look, u can fuck whoever u want, but be consequent. u can't just disappear the whole night and leave us all worrying"

"i'm really sorry" repeated "it was a bit of a weird night" you confess once finished collecting all the crystals, cutting a small awkward silence "did u have a good time at least?" chaeyoung denied.

"cheol came in pretty upset, he told us what happened and we tried to call you several times after a while. still were going to stay, but then we saw yunho's little friends and seungcheol didn't want to continue the night. he and han went home together and i went home with jihyo" she related, making you sigh again.

"they didn't say anything to any of you, have they?" she denied, you nodded in relief.

"you know how overprotective he is with you and the whole thing with those guys" threw away the last handful of papers once the floor was finally clean, grabbing another cup from your cupboard and a capsule of coffee "at least tell me what's going on, and what happened last night".

so you did. recounted in detail everything that had happened, from the episode at the emergency exit, to yunho dumping that girl for you, and ending with the night before. you put special emphasis on one detail "he smelled like another chick!?" she practically shouted, you dropped your back on the back of the couch and nodded "he finished being with some chick and came to see u?" he snorted "i thought he couldn't, but he get even more scraggly. he must have been training"

"he's coming tonight" you confessed, causing chaeyoung's eyes to practically pop out of their holes.

"and you're even dumber, i see."

"wanna see him, chae."

"that's the first sign why you shouldn't do it. never again. fuck him. but no literally!"

you'd love to say that the conversation with your best friend did some good. that you took matters into your own hands and wrote yunho to tell him you didn't want him around, that he should stay the fuck home. but the reality was much different, much sadder and, from chaeyoung's point of view, ridiculous. your friend didn't understand what it was about this guy that kept you so interested, and you didn't exactly know either. but if there was ever a time when you really felt the need to see him, it was that night. his attitude and that message had to mean something, and it's not like you were able to ignore everything you felt while being with him.

luckily, now that you had finally been completely honest with her, chaeyoung decided she wouldn't leave you alone and tried her best to keep your mind off yunho, almost like the first time she had to deal with what he left of you when he cheated. it worked for a few hours, but as the time approached when you had to get ready to leave, it became clear how the anxiety was eating away at your confidence. you checked your cell phone every few moments, feraring a message from him, or maybe even hoping for one. chae watched you worriedly. she knew for sure that the time when you would relapse would come. yunho would be a problem again, because you two were in love and it didn't end well. one of you would come crawling back, but she hoped it wouldn't be you and that when he did, you would kick him back to his house.

"so can i borrow the black one then?" she asked with her head dipped in your closet. you laughed again, affirming with a guttural sound while trying not to go too overboard with the lip liner "great! i was looking forward to trying it on. it's so pretty!"

"just had to ask for it" you tell her once you finish filling in your lips in a gorgeous burgundy shade matching the dress you wore that night, and which didn't go unnoticed by your friend.

"how is it possible that u been looking like shit all day and now you look like you came out of a magazine?" she grunts, making you laugh again "it's cute" commented, sitting on the edge of the bed and looking at your reflection in the glass of the dressing table. you were doing the same, trying to gain confidence in your image. knew you looked pretty, but didn't feel particularly well. "haven't worn it in a while, have you?" chaeyoung asked, getting your attention. you look at her a little confused "the dress" you smile faintly at her, nodding.

didn't really wanted to have to explain it to her, but the outfit you were wearing that night was a real statement of intent, because it was exactly the same one you had the night you met yunho. it was still quite nice, a little less revealing than what you've been wearing lately, but sexy enough to fit a night like that. telling chaeyoung something like that would end up driving her crazy, but the truth is that you were wearing it hoping yunho would remember the dress. as you looked at yourself wearing it in the mirror, remembered all the times he told you how beautiful you looked and how much he loved the dress. he even asked you to wear it again several times throughout the relationship, but saved it for a special occasion because it meant so much to you. didn't know why, but that night you needed the confidence that dress gave you. it was probably a mistake, but you would do it anyway.

it wasn't too long before you arrived at the same place that had already visited countless times, and where the story with your ex was awakened with a fuck at the emergency exit of the reserved area. you felt a little better when you let the lively atmosphere captivate you, letting yourself be carried away by the incredibly cheerful and energetic attitude of your best friend, who guided you to the same place as always, where your friends were already waiting.

the first thing you did was apologize to all of them, and especially to seungcheol, who didn't take more than a few seconds to fall for your charms and your puppy face to hug you and kiss your forehead, even though he made you promise not to do something like that to them again "a message is enough. just want to know you're okay". the way it had started, the night had potential. and you could have taken advantage of it; you could have drunk, danced and laughed with the amazing friends you had at your disposal. you could have even tried to meet someone new, like the guy at the bar who had left his number on a napkin he shamelessly gave you, because didn't need one and hadn't asked for, during one of the many times you visited the bar in such a ridiculously short period of time. just like went to the bathroom, to smoke with jeonghan -when you didn't even smoke- and any excuse that was plausible enough and allowed you to browse the place as many times as possible, in search of a single person. of course, your friends asked you if everything was all right, but with the help of chaeyoung, who knew what was going on and didn't want to worry them, you distracted them. it was about one in the middle of the night when you finally saw him appear in the crowd, looking particularly handsome that night. he wore a white yarn sweater, the collar quite wide, revealing his collarbone, beautifully decorated with a couple of necklaces and highlighting the width of his shoulders. his hair was apparently messy, but you knew that he had probably spent a long time in front of the mirror checking every strand, and it had certainly paid off.

you didn't even try to find an excuse to meet him that time. just jumped up and left the reserved area, not listening to any of your friends' questions. from the stairs you could see him reaching a table at the down floor, where a couple of girls were sitting that you didn't remember seeing before. noticed him greeting one of them with a kiss on the cheek, bringing that smell back to your memory, but made sure to ignore the idea that crossed your mind and faded as soon as you saw him looking for you in the reserved area himself. he approached the stairs as you went down, so you decided to wait at the end of them "finally!" you said almost without breaking, sounding a little - too - excited to see him. yunho was about to speak, but your impatience interrupted him with a soft kiss on the lips that was confused to say the least, swallowing his words, not even sure what he wanted to say to you. with a sincere smile, you pulled his wrist to a corner a little further away from his friends and yours, a little further away from the crowd, and while he was still silent, you allowed yourself to kiss him again, leaning your back against the dark wall of the room. took a few seconds for yunho to react, feeling a slight panic sweep through his body, but deciding to surrender to you again. it was much easier to be carried away by your lips, so he brought one of his hands to your waist while cradled your neck with the other to deepen the kiss. felt as if the night before had not ended, as if the truce you had happily signed yesterday had continued to stand against all odds. "took a long time, yuyu" said to him as you separated to get some oxygen. he didn't even open his eyes before kissing you again.

he pressed his body closer to yours, breathing into your lips and making you feel like you're in a damn cloud9. buried both hands in his hair, stroking him as if to calm him, "hi" mumbled over your lips. actually, you didn't even hear it, you guessed it.

"been waiting for you" you confessed, not even thinking about how your attitude let yunho look a little deeper into you. "thought you wouldn't come" he remained silent, looking into your eyes like trying to find something. in fact, he was looking for some sign of remorse, of hatred, of resentment, of anger. some trace of everything you were giving him all this time, but he found in you nothing more than a honest desire to see him. he sighed heavily and took some distance from you, though his hands never left your body, going up to your face to cradle it once more. you held his wrists and smiled sweetly, "don't have a very good face, yuyu" you stated, looking genuinely concerned, "u ok?" yunho felt his chest shrink as the sweetness colored your words.

it was like you were doing it on purpose, as if you were fighting with your last ace to keep him close. he had worked hard to get to this point, he had fought against everything he felt so that would be moderately comfortable with what was about to happen. but it would only be fine if you continued to be a fucking bitch to him, one who didn't seem to care about anything. now that you looked at him as if you really wanted to be with him, as if you cared about his well-being and kissed him so lovingly, how could he say something like that to you? how could he not grab the last burning nail that was your relationship?

"no, i'm not well" he confessed. you took a careful breath and gently changed your sweet expression to a worried one. something was really wrong.

"here, let's sit" you suggest, pointing to the high chairs a few feet away "and maybe i can help you" if he didn't know you well enough, yunho would swear that you were trying to torture him playing with his feelings to trap him in your web so he would never leave you. but in actual fact, you were genuinely concerned about him and wanted to help him. reaching the chairs, without letting go of his hands, you sit facing each other. legs are intertwined, you only have to move a little closer to kiss him again, which you did, "come on sweetie, tell me".

"why 're u treating me so well?" he asked suddenly, almost burning with the torture of having you so close again.

you pursed your lips, tilting your head with a shy smile, "don't know" confessed this time, "yesterday was a nice day, i guess" yunho sighed with the memory of your naked body hugging his all night, making him feel like the fucking worst person in the whole earth.

"i have been waiting for you to look at me like this for a long time" with a weak and deep voice, it comes out almost in a wail "it is not fair that you act like this today" you looked at him with some confusion while he avoided your eyes as much as he could. instead, he look at your body without taking a second to notice what you're wearing. a grimace of sarcasm crossed his face, and he couldn't help but think that what you were trying to do to him must be some kind of heavy joke.

"today? what's happening today?"

"i've been doing the best that i can for about, how long, maybe a year?" his voice rises slightly and you can hear some bitterness in it. by contrast, yunho never lets go of your hands, making the grip harder and focus all the attention on them laying over the dress you are wearing "i have respected your space and accepted all the times you kicked me away" he said, you parted your lips without knowing exactly what to say, feeling more confused by the moment "gave you love whenever u were around, just to make u feel wanted and wash away what i did" you blinked several times, trying to pull your hands away, but he held them firmly, "went where you wanted, when you wanted, even when i knew you were doing with other guys" he sighed heavily, sharpening his gaze and finally looking at you. "needed to see me so fucked up to empathize with me a little? or did you realize that you still love me?"

when he looked into your eyes, you didn't like what you saw. no clue if all that anger and pain had always been there or if something you are missing had happened and yunho was actually in pain. the only thing you were sure about was that your patience was too thin to keep listening to him, and the sarcasm of his words didn't help at all. or did you realize that you still love me?

you yanked hard from his hands, surprising him but managing to escape his grip. denied with a bitter smile before said "let it go, it was a mistake", you said it out loud, but those words were more for you than for him. wanted to leave it there now that you still had some will to have a good night, but suddenly yunho realized he couldn't let you go that easily. the pride he had been swallowing all this time returned all at once and he was not willing to let you be the one to decide the course of the conversation again. yunho had come to this place with a damned purpose, and he was going to fulfill it whether you wanted or not. he stopped you down impulsively, grabbed your wrist and pulled back towards him. almost crashed into his chest, but you reacted quickly and put a hand on his shirt, pushing him back "what's wrong with u?"

"with me!?" he opened his eyes as if you had told him the most savage thing he had ever heard in his life, "the problem here is you!" suddenly yunho grabbed your shoulders and pushed you back against the wall, surrounding you with both arms into a corner so he can look down on you. it felt like you were tiny, and that wasn't what you needed that night, "come to me like you need to see me, kiss me, care about me, and in that fucking dress!" you looked away from him when his breath crash into your face so aggressively, because yunho was yelling, almost out of control and too close for your comfort. caught your breath to regulate the tension in your chest, feeling slightly dizzy. you looked like a prey, trapped under your ex's harsh and unforgiving voice, full of resentment "am a joke to u? wearing this on just to hurt me, yeah?" he growled. despite the toughness of his words, yunho was far from feeling tough inside. he was pushing himself to the limit, trying to contain a huge amount of emotions that he did not know how to handle at a time like this, when he had you in front of him and the person he decided to commit to just a few steps away, waiting for him.

when he got up in the morning next to you, had a feeling that he holds the world in his hands again. he barely slept through the night and made sure to stay close to you as long as possible, watching you as you rested, with your chest rising and falling gently, your peaceful face and your body completely relaxed. no tension, no fighting and no bitterness. you were an angel - his angel -, and he told himself he was the luckiest man in the world to be able to watch such a spectacle. yunho also realized you still had some habits, such as sleeping on your right side - which made yunho get used to sleeping on his left side so he could hug you -; you still talked a bit at night, and still hadn't given up your eagerness to steal his blanket whenever you had the chance. but his favorite, which he treasured as a precious memory, and which he loved to see you kept, was your adorable need to cuddle at night. he wondered more than once if you'd gotten over it because didn't have him anymore, or if you were holding plush animals like you once told him you did before living together. now that he had you there, tied to his torso as if you never wanted him to leave, he was afraid to even breathe too hard in case you moved and let him go. it was hard for him to give in to sleep, but was overly nice to see you again when he woke up. sure, you moved and were no longer holding him, but you were holding his hand. really seemed that you needed any contact with him as much as he needed you to do it.

knowing he must go while you were still asleep, he tempted his fate and stayed for almost an hour. the thought of leaving you was killing him, and his tears were the only witness, but it was better to go for himself than to let you push him again. was certainly sure he couldn't take it after having you this way again. he worked hard to convince himself that it was best to get away from you and trust her. she was good for him, but you weren't, because you could offer him nothing but nostalgia and the ghost of the woman he fell in love with. yunho told himself that the last night you spent together was almost a mirage, a kind of truce he had signed with you, but that it expired as soon as the sun rose on the horizon. so you wouldn't want him there anymore then, not knowing you haven't forgive him yet. he needed to stop blaming himself because you didn't want him anymore, to stop punishing himself with your kisses and your fleeting caresses, no matter how sweet they were. she looked like a white promise at the end of all this agony. couldn't even believe that she was giving him a second chance after what he had done to her for you, but he told himself he wouldn't mess it up this time, that would let you go and that you wouldn't suffer because you were really just playing with him. yunho wouldn't have to see you cry and he wouldn't cry for you anymore.

what he did not expect was to see you the next day in that dress that meant so much to both of us, taking him back to the night you met, while your eyes showed him a genuine illusion to see it again. he could even see the pain in your pupils as his voice, against all odds, became much harsher. he should hate you, but he hated himself instead "yunho, enough. wanna leave".

"oh, u want to go now?" he insisted, making you swallow hard while see him shocking his head many times "please tell me what you want from me" you looked him in the eyes again, an uncertain gaze locked with his. could barely make out the colors of his face in the dim light of the room, but you could clearly see the damage in his look, "can't take it anymore" he almost sobbed, dropping his head down to the floor "i can't keep paying for what i did. need u to stop punishing me, it's not fair to either of us anymore" locked out, the air was missing and could only feel the strong fragrance that yunho wore that night clouding your senses. you tried to concentrate on his words, but they only hurt. it was as if he had hit you so hard that all you could hear was a hollow and annoying sound. yunho kept talking to you, becoming more and more impatient with your silence, and in the midst of all the dull noise, your face began to fall as his words began to sink in. you thought coldly about what he was really telling you and a sour taste grew in your throat. you'd swear you'd fall to the ground if yunho hadn't left you barely space to breathe, intoxicating you with his accusations.

"yunho" mumbled, sealing his lips so he could hear you after trying to get your attention so much "if u don't like it, just leave" your head remained a little bowed, as if the neck couldn't bear the weight, so you looked at him from below "fair, you say?" snorted in denial as you closed your eyes again "know what's not fair? your boyfriend cheating on you, and knowing about it by a pic that someone sent of him kissing that fucking chick. that's not fair" yunho was going to say something, but you cut him off "it's neither fair that you came home the next morning and covered yourself with a lie, not fair that you kissed me with the same mouth that you kissed another girl the night before. that you came home every morning of every weekend without feeling the slightest bit of guilt until i discovered you, that's not fucking fair" yunho stepped back a little, letting you breathe a bit easier "it's also not fair the fact u forced seven fucking people who were also my friends to lie to me to cover up your fucking betrayal" looked at him again "know what it was like for me to lose u and all of them at once? that. is. not. fair" you spitted bitterly, punctuating every word "i saw the person i trusted the most taking away those we considered our friends, and yet you also took away my first love, my home, and everything i felt for u" here they were again, the tears piling up and threatening to wet yunho's cheeks, while you felt like tearing out every piece of yourself, every single night you spent awake missing him. you were now throwing them out in the form of all the conclusions you came to between cries and tears "so if you think what's happening is unfair, you'd better go and leave me alone for good" you were angry, and your words were not what really was in your heart, but weren't able to control yourself in the same way that he wasn't able to. however, also failed to calculate the consequences of what you just said.

"that's exactly what 'm trying to do" he replied, now at a safe distance from you.

"how do u say?" despite the word just spitted, you were incredulous.

"'m leaving you, leaving this" his cold gaze froze your body "i am tired, tired of you" he confessed. didn't even know how you felt at that time, but yunho wasn't finished with you yet "i've met someone, and i think i like this girl, but need to be away from you to find out" that was the masterstroke. the last words he needed to end you, with everything you had built since decided to focus on yourself, everything you had risked to bring him back into your life. even though you had managed to recover from all the hits he had soothed you with his words, there was no turning back from what he had just said so easily.

words sharp as blades pierced your whole body mercilessly, straight from the same lips that kissed you so lovingly just moments ago. you clearly heard something inside breaking again. i'm tired of you. his voice echoed in your head, as if he would never stop shouting it in your ear, over and over again, like a damned mantra he'd decided to tattoo on your skin. yunho knew for real he was being cruel, he watched almost in slow motion how your pride faded away as the light in your eyes started to dim, but he couldn't help his mouth breathing away what his broken heart was crying out.

the strident music fades and instead you only hear this one sentence and a high-pitched sound drowns your eardrums, you have the feeling that they will even start to bleed if you try to say something else, but all your pride has vanished with your breath. you have nothing more to say, and even if you tried, would not be able to hear a single word, so you close your eyes and try to erase yunho from your mind, but of course, his silhouette appears in the darkness of your eyelids, smiling and laughing at you, reminding the horrible person you are. felt so out of place, so confused and lost in a feeling of incorrigible pain, even greater than the first time yunho left, that don't even know how you have returned to the side of your friends. when you figure it out, you're sitting next to them and they're talking to each other as if you weren't there. inside, everything fell apart. on the outside, your face remained blank, almost serene. you craved to scream, wanted to find yunho again and shout him that it was all his fault.

the image of your boyfriend, with whom you even shared an apartment, kissing another girl, along with the certainty that he had been hiding it for god knows when, still burning inside your eyes and were not exaggerating when you said that it was the first time you felt the pain of a betrayal, added to the pain of a broken heart and the sudden loneliness. well, if you had to be completely honest with yourself, you hadn't handled what happened right, and had to admit that you were cruel. but within the pain you felt at that moment, the idea that it was yunho who had broken you to such an extreme, that it was yunho who was wrong first, who broke you and all that you were, shone more brightly in your head.

your gaze wandered from one side to another. the floor, the ceiling, the round table in the center of your seats, filled with full and empty glasses, the distand and happy faces of your friends, seungcheol holding one of your hands and giving you a loving grimace… the neon red of the exit sign where you fell into yunho's arms again.the light soon blinded you slightly, feeling your gaze begin to unfocus as the bright red dazzled you and tears unconsciously welled up at the edge of your pupils. memories of your ex filled your blurred vision, pulling you away from reality and back to the image of his lips on yours, begging you to stay a little longer. his hands craving around your skin, trying to keep you close. now all that was gone. i think i love that girl, but i need to be away from you to know. and to think that you had stayed devoted to his arms, while he sought solace in another girl.

when you were able to refocus your gaze, found yourself looking at yunho's table in the distance. everyone seemed perfectly happy, including your ex, who was hugging who you assumed was the girl that took him away from you, who was winning his heart, the same heart had been your home " honey, is everything okay?" when you heard seungcheol's voice, suddenly realized you are already truly crying, feeling the happiness of those boys as a direct attack on you. why, if you were the victim, were the only one still suffering? "baby, look at me" seungcheol quickly located where your gaze was heading and gently picked up your chin to force you to stop hurting yourself, trying to comfort you with a warm smile and a kiss on the forehead.

"guess 'm not at my peak" you let out a chuckle far from funny and wiped away your tears.

with his thumb, seungcheol caressed your wet cheek and raised both eyebrows "we have two options. i can take you home, you'll take a shower, we'll watch anything on tv and i promise i'll play your hair until you fall asleep if it'll make you feel better" the smile grew natural on your lips, provoking a similar one on his face. he couldn't help it even if he wanted to and he wouldn't; sex or not, you were his best friend and one of the most important person in his life since you both were able to open up to each other, understand each other, support each other and care for each other. he had met many people in his life because he was someone of a social nature, but with you it was a crush in any sense you wanted to take it. he was sure that whatever you could offer him would be enough, because loved you sincerely and would prove it "or you can stay here with all of us, try to enjoy the night and not let anything or anyone else get the better of you" knew perfectly well what his words meant, because he wasn't stupid and no matter how much you had tried to hide it, he clearly saw something big going on with yunho, and confirmed it as soon as he saw you unable to take your eyes off him and that beautiful girl he wouldn't let go even for a stand second "both options are valid and in both i promise not to leave you alone at any time. it's up to you" you took a breath with lips sealed, biting them slightly at your pathetic image going home early for a fucking cheating guy, who was also happily a few meters away enjoying himself after breaking your heart for the second time.

you wondered if you were too naive, if you really didn't know him that well and those looks full of love and pleading he so often gave when you were together were nothing but pure show, a fake better than yours designed to fuck up your life even more. was yunho so cruel, so cold and manipulative? that night, you needed to believe that he was.

"think i can give this place a second chance today" you spoke unsure of your decision, but willing to at least give it a try. yunho couldn't stop you, wouldn't let him, and you knew that seungcheol was ready to help with that.

"that's my girl" he said, kissing your cheek "in that case, i have something for you" you watched as he pulled out his wallet from his denim jacket, showing you a small black baggie that brought a new smile to your face "are you in?"

"sharing is for pretty people" chaeyoung appeared at your back, holding out her hand to seungcheol, who laughed and didn't fail to leave a small white pill in the palm of her hand, but to you he put it straight into your mouth, with a greedy smirk that you were quite used to and that made you slightly fall into his game. you stuck out your tongue slowly, where he left the pearl while looking at your eyes, brushing your tongue with his fingers and listening to him saying again that's my girl but, this time, several octaves lower.

however, cheol didn't move any more cards in that direction with you afterwards, again respecting your boundaries, which you were extremely grateful for. if you had to take it out on your best friend, you didn't want to do it. it seemed like playing dirty, even though you knew for a fact that he'd be more than glad to offer himself to the cause. it wouldn't happen, but his attitude helped to immerse you in the night.

while you waited patiently - as long as you could - for the substances to take effect in your system, you tried to distract yourself with literally anything. smiled, talked to all your friends at the table, joked even with them and tried to laugh heartily when the others did, but your attempts were not enough to contain your fucking curiosity and the inertia to satiate it by looking back to yunho's table.

sometimes, he wasn't there and you could only see his friends, because she was never there if he wasn't. you'd even swear that, on a couple of occasions, yunho looked in your direction too, but couldn't say for sure because, when you got that feeling, you looked away like a fucking coward. the last time it happened, your eyes ran to the bottom of your empty glass, and the need to cover your shame with alcohol fills your patience. obviously, you asked cheol to come to get another drink, and fulfilling his promise, he took your hand and walked with you downstairs to the bar. the crowd was heavy that night, which wouldn't bother you on any other occasion, but on this one felt the anxiety fill your lungs and keep the oxygen out. to make matters worse, a guy a little shorter than cheol walked up to him. you saw them hugging and understood immediately that they hadn't seen each other for a long time "babe, give me a minute. pay for the drinks, today it's on me" he took out his wallet again and put it in your hands "you'll be fine" you nodded with a smile, knowing would be very selfish if you told him otherwise "i'll be right back" cheol kissed your hand lightly before disappearing into the crowd. the thought of running into yunho, that girl or one of his friends hit your mind immediately afterwards, and had to take a deep breath not to run upstairs, because you didn't feel confident enough to face any of them, especially not your damn ex. luckily, you were served quickly and soon had full glasses in hands, so you opened cheol's wallet to pay the bill. that's when you met up again with the little black baggie.

the idea inevitably crossed your mind. looked around to find the people and the music were thick and mingled inside you with heaviness, feeling genuinely overwhelmed and the night didn't seem to be getting any better. although you'd already had one, this time it hadn't had any effect, so maybe… a second pill wouldn't be such a bad idea, would it? before you could think clearly - and realize that it was a terrible idea - you had the pill in your teeth, putting the bag back in seungcheol's wallet, who appeared seconds later accompanied by the same guy from earlier. you sighed, honestly a little uneasy because it was the first time you'd taken two pills in one night, but were too sober to stay on your feet. had run out of any strategy to keep you distracted and your gaze kept coming back to yunho and that damn girl over and over again. you were afraid of being too obvious, starting to cry again, or that some guy in that fucking group would notice you staring at them. "vernon, meet my favourite girl" the presentations were short, but pleasant. you soon find out that he's actually american and has been living there for a while, so it was great to see cheol again, a feeling that soon rubbed off on you. he was a really strange guy, but funny and very, very nice.

after talking to vernon for a while, which really kept you distracted - wouldn't be lying if you said that meeting him was almost a promise that the night could get better - it wasn't long before you finally felt your body react chemically. no clue if it was the fact that you were a little more relaxed, or that the dose was already high enough to have an effect on someone who was already used to a single pill, but suddenly, felt energetic and some kind of adrenaline rush hit you, along with the urge to expend that shot of electricity by partying for real. pulling your new friend along towards the same destination, the rest soon followed, tired from sitting on those leather couches all night. when finally made your way through the crowd of people, the music vibrated through your body, causing you to crack a smile that felt like it would tear at the corner of your lips. you knew yunho was close, but at that moment, didn't give a shit, focusing on nothing but your breathing becoming heavy in your chest as you jumped on the track, your heart pumping so fast that couldn't count the beats even if you wanted to.

at the height of the ecstasy you were experiencing for the first time, it felt like hours had passed, but in actual fact it only took two or three songs for the situation to change radically. in one of your little hops to the music, you clearly felt your knees failing to break your fall, and if it hadn't been for vernon and seungcheol's quicker arms, you would have crashed to the floor along with your glass, which shattered into pieces. it wasn't a big deal, and if you were in your senses, would have laughed at the situation and the fact that had already broken two glasses in one day. but not right then.

right then, you felt like every single look in thet club was falling on you. the hollow sound of glass crashing on the floor deafened you for a moment, and you could only focus on all those judgmental stares on your body, as if they knew you had just fucked up. as if they knew you had been dumped for someone else, that you were high and that, in reality, you would rather have taken cheol's first offer and gone home to rest and cry all the broken feelings pouring out of your heart. your breathing, once heavy, now became scarce. you had to hold on tightly to vernon's arm, who brought both hands to your sides to give you balance "beautiful, are you okay?" cheol asked you and you looked him practically panic-stricken in the eyes. you wanted to say no, that your heart was going too fast but you had no strength in either leg. you then tried to speak, but sickness built up in the pit of your stomach, causing a gag and forcing you to cover your mouth with a hand and only deny it.

seungcheol's reaction was, thankfully, fast. he whispered something in vernon's ear that you couldn't hear and gave you a quick smile before he disappeared running, or trying to, into the crowd. so far, you had been drinking quite a lot and quite possibly too much, so he opted not to waste a second trying to help. you wanted to follow him, confused and increasingly dizzy, but vernon held you tightly and forced a hand around his waist for a better grip "he'll be back. come with me upstairs" spoke in your ear. he broke away, looking at your legs slightly bent under your own weight "can u walk?" you nodded, gripping his waist even tighter before starting to move.

you had never experienced this feeling before. your legs were not responding and could clearly feel your body getting heavier by second, along with the involuntary bouncing of your head, like you had been drinking uncontrollably all night. it got worse as you approached the stairs, each step becoming a world, "there is not much left" vernon said, trying to cheer you up. you could see how was struggling not to fall down the stairs pulling your weight up, and couldn't help but feel stupid and helpless, because your head seemed to be working quite fast, with some clarity, but no part of your body wanted to cooperate. it was only when vernon finally managed to drop you into one of the couches in the reserved area that the fear really took over. every muscle in your body was so numb that you barely felt it, "easy, stay easy, you're fine" vernon knelt down in front of you to be at the height of your face, holding your hands and trying to comfort you. then he approached your face, looking closely at your pupils, trying not to be too obvious. didn't want to think about it, he wanted to be wrong. but either fortunately or not, vernon was quite sure of what was happening to you, and even though he tried to calm you down, because he also knew that it would be much worse if you found out, he was scared, and the deep black that suffocated your iris did not help.

seungcheol finally arrived with several small bottles of water and a tiny towel he had to ask for at the bar. you listened with a certain distance as vernon explained that your body was practically dead and you swore that you could hear your friend's heart racing as he realized how bad it really was at that point. you wanted to ask what was happening, but couldn't find any voice and only had the ability to cry, which you did when you saw cheol giving you a look of panic. he sat down on a chair in front of you and took both of your hands "hey, don't cry, don't cry" he began "i've called chaeyoung, we'll be leaving soon" you nodded in tears "but first u have to be honest with me, okay?" nodded again "did u drink something u didn't buy yourself? or any of us?" you denied this time, cheol sighed in relief "so you drank a lot then?" denied again. well, you actually drank a lot, but not enough to have you that bad.

"cheol, it's not alcohol, she's high" the music still raged in your ears and your senses weren't working properly, but you could hear vernon clearly. his words hit you like a bucket of cold water, making you cry even harder.

"high? like, drugged?" cheol repeated, notoriously confused. he was dead sure he had only given you a single pill, nothing you hadn't done a thousand times before.

"did u give her anything?" vernon denied, "nothing" he spoke honestly, "but these symptoms are not from drinking too much alcohol" vernon's voice was also full of concern, but he spoke with much more confidence than seungcheol. you opened your mouth to say sorry, wanted to tell the truth and apologize for being so stupid and irresponsible, but once again a gag forced you to shut up, sobbing in your seat in defeat as you tightened the grip of cheol's hands.

"what happened!?" you immediately recognized the voice of your friend nearby, and soon the left side of the couches sank, "u okay?" she cradled your face with both hands, getting a bad surprise when she saw the paleness of your skin soaked with tears.

"think it might be an overdose," Vernon spoke, "she've taken something, hasn't she?" your friends nodded.

"but we've done it many times, nothing like this has ever happened before." chaeyoung's voice cracked as she tried to talk to vernon.

"she must have taken something else" he approached your face again, lighting you up with his phone to see that your pupils, which turned your irises practically black, barely reacted to the intense light of the flashlight "for the moment she is awake, but it might be a matter of time before she collapses"

"don't mess with me, man" cheol complained, "we have to call an ambulance"

vernon took a deep breath before he replied "if you do, remember that this is punishable in korea" his voice seemed much more loaded with anxiety "she is not going to get rid of his drug use easily."

"and what should we do? expect the worst!?" chaeyoung was crying. you heard it clearly in her voice, and you felt your heart break for the second time that night, guilt and fear paralyzing any little sense you had left in your body, hating yourself for bringing yourself to such situation.

"of course not!" you felt the other end of the couch sink way, "we need to try getting her to vomit while she still awake"

"are u sure about that?" cheol insisted, but vernon shook his head.

"i'm not, but given the sympthons and her dilated pupils, it might be."

the next event was something you wished with all your might you could wipe from your memory, but clearly it would stay with you forever, as a lesson. the three of them accompanied you, practically dragging your body, to the toilet upstairs. it was chaeyoung who helped you vomit using her own fingers, succeeding after several attempts. the bile and tears stained your face, making you feel miserable in the cheol's arms, who tried to comfort your sobbing. when they succeeded, they sighed with a sigh of relief. chaeyoung hugged you after wiping her hands, and you felt guilty again because you could still smell the stink of your vomit on her. the crying increased as they tried to comfort you, and the worst part is, as you sat on the white bathroom floor, with your head resting on cheol's chest and your other two friends trying to soothe what was obviously pain, the only person you could think of was yunho, hoping that he would somehow find out what was happening, and come to take care of you. "i'm gonna get the water from the table, try to rinse her face while" vernon spoke again.

you heard the door close, and soon after, chaeyoung closed the lock to prevent anyone from seeing you in that situation. cheol tried to lift your body, but, oddly enough, it was even heavier than before. sure you had vomited, as vernon suggested, but you didn't feel any better - the nausea was still there and all the strength in your body was just a memory. all you could do was cry "chae" he called her "chae, it's not okay" the trembling in your friend's voice finally confirming reality, was the last push before anxiety, or panic, or maybe both, took over. you began to hyperventilate, the little air that filled your lungs left and felt a horrible pressure in your chest. your legs were shaking involuntarily and although you could feel your friends holding you up, had no stability at all. you were falling. their voices were still present, calling out to you in sheer terror, lightly patting your face as the lights dimmed. until you could no longer open your eyes. it was barely a couple of minutes, seconds for you and an eternity for your friends, but your consciousness faded for a moment, and your body became completely lifeless. by the time you opened your eyes again, the white light blinded you slightly before could clearly see the face of your friends surrounding you again, swollen and drenched "fuck, she's awake!" cheol practically shouted. you quickly pulled yourself back up, taking a big breath of air before running back out to the toilet to vomit. chaeyoung followed, brushing your hair away from your face as she patted your back. you could still hear her sobbing.

"let's go home" you mumbled, relieving a little more of chae's fear, who was yet to come out of shock at how you had ended up. you, who had always been an angel, who once trembled at the thought of taking something illegal or dangerous, were now slumped over the toilet bowl, messed up and on the verge of something she would have regretted for the rest of her fucking life.

didn't have to ask twice, all of your friends without exception, even including vernon, never left leave your side for a second -genuinely scared after seeing you in such a situation-, left the place. as you dodged the crowd, you thought about what could have happened, and you couldn't even have asked for medical help without ruining your record and destroying your working future in the country. you thought about what had done to your friends, who felt helpless and lost without knowing how and when you had consumed so much as to push yourself to the limit. but most of all, being infinitely selfish, you thought about how the only person you would really want to walk you home that night, to comfort you, to hold you and not let go until the next morning, was yunho. but the only, and the last, thing you got from him after all, was a last glimpse of his arm around that other girl you had been seeing him with all night, without him even giving you a single glance as you left that fucking club.

as you walked away from his figure, blurring through the salt that irritated your eyes, realized something that clicked in your mind like the piece of a puzzle you had been trying to complete for too long, and it is that the bitter taste of failure that agonized in your head and that did not let you breathe was actually the certainty that you had lost the only thing you thought you could still keep from yunho after he betrayed you in that way, after confirmed that he did not love you by doing something like this, that he was not faithful to you, that he was not yours. you had lost the one thing you could still treasure as your greatest and darkest obsession, you had lost his attention.

and with that, you had lost him forever.

OKAY ITS HERE!!! i struggled too much with that part because, although i had been thinking about it for a while, i had no idea how to write it to try to convey a sense of real loss and despair. i hope i succeeded at least a little bit!!! and above all that you enjoyed reading it ♡ although it is the last part, there is still the epilogue!!!!! and i am seriously thinking if it should be a good or bad one... anyway, thank you very much for reading me and giving love to my work, i am infinitely grateful ♡

all the loveeeee

⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘♡⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘⫘

☆tags☆ @yeosangsbbg @atinyluv238 @livingdeadlisa-blog @kunikku @yzaeseong @pearltinyy @txt-yaomi @tunaasan @honeyhwaaa

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lustemotions · 8 months ago

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Marauders’ House !

“Music for a Sushi Restaurant” is the opening song to The Marauders' third studio album, Marauders' House. In a combination of smooth jazz and freaky ‘70s pop, Potter (writer of the song) sings about making sushi while relating it to his desire for a relationship. In a May 2022 interview in The Valkyries podcast, the lead singer revealed the story behind the funky song:

"I was in a sushi restaurant in LA with someone and one of our songs came on from the last album, and the person I was with pointed out that it was a "weird song for a sushi restaurant" which obviously lead to an argument and ended on this perfect song for "those type of restaurants".

see the lyrics of the song here.

— Jegulus au. 676 words. no tw. Based on MFASR by Harry Styles.

"Hey!" exclaimed James excitedly, tapping Regulus’s outstretched hand to get his attention "Do you hear that, baby? They’re playing Canyon Moon!"

At Regulus' request, both had decided to go out for dinner. Regulus hadn’t stopped talking for weeks about a restaurant he had visited with Dorcas, and finally after so much insistence, he had managed to drag James to a round table in the far corner of that tiny restaurant.

James will never admit it out loud, because it would feed her boyfriend’s obsession, but he too had fallen in love with the place the second he put his foot in it. "I hear it, yes," Regulus replied, rolling his eyes without looking away from the posters hanging from the ceiling, apparently today’s menu, as the waitress explained, "Sirius couldn’t be more obvious, "Canyon Moon"?"

Quick pause in conversation

He plays songs I've never heard

An old lover's hippie music

Pretends not to know the words

And I keep thinking back to

A time under the canyon moon

After singing quietly along, James laughed while leaning on the table, glancing at the ceiling to look at the menu himself, "When has Sirius been subtle?"

“Touché” said Regulus, making James whisper “hot” under his breath right before the waitress came to their table to take their orders.

After the sweet lady left, Regulus looked around checking the restaurant before leaning on the table to whisper to James “To be honest, I don’t think this is a fitting song for this type of restaurant” An offended gasp left James’ lips, and he smacked Regulus’ shoulder gently.

“How very dare you”

“You’re gonna tell me that I’m wrong?”

“Of course, our songs fit into any sort of environment”

“Yeah, no, I don’t think so” a bratty tone tint Regulus words, leaning onto the back of his chair, crossing his arms with a small smile on the corner of his lips.

“You’re mean”

“I just pointed out a fact. Not every song you guys do fit anywhere, especially not this little and pretty restaurant, it’s a weird song for a sushi restaurant”

“I bet I can change your mind with a song. In fact, I will write a song that fits this restaurant so well that you’ll be embarrassed by what you just said”

“Oh will you now?”

“Hell yeah, before our food comes, I will have the perfect song”

Regulus laughed a bit too hard for that, giving James the perfect view of his pale collarbones under that slim t-shirt. James arched an eyebrow, ready to challenge his boyfriend’s attitude,

“You don’t think I can do that?”

"Of course I don’t think you can write a song before our food comes" said Regulus with a witty tone, sharing a small smile with James who looked too cocky by now.

"Is that a challenge, my love?"

"You bet it is" a cheeky smile spread across Regulus' face. James felt his heart racing.

So, for a whole half hour, James kept writing and re-writing a whole song he finishes five seconds before they have their food on the table. And when he shares the lyrics with his boyfriend, the only comment Regulus says is:

"You have the imagination of a three-year-old”.

Two months later, James was in the studio recording "Music For a Sushi Restaurant", with Remus' bass track in the background and the background vocals recorded before by Sirius and Peter complementing his vocals in the chorus. Regulus’s laughter penetrated his track even from outside the booth, making James smile broadly at Sirius grimaced.

If the stars were edible

And our hearts were never full

Could we live with just a taste?

Just taste

It’s 'cause I love you, babe

In every kind of way

Just a little taste

Know I love you, babe

Not even the high volume of the trumpets dampened the scandalous cry of Sirius, who pounced on the microphone of their producer.

"We are so over, James Potter!"

Regulus smacked his brother on the side, starting a nasty sibling fist fight.

James never felt so alive.

#james potter #jegulus #regulus black #starchaser #the marauders #wolfstar #remus lupin #marauders #sirius black #harry styles #mfasr #sirius would insist on being the siren of the mv #shortfic #running au #harry potter #i love a bratty regulus #and a “it's hot when u speak french” james potter

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sweet-but-vicious · 1 month ago

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Alright folks get your tin hats on and your delulu glasses ready because I've had some thoughts about the Kiwi music video!

Hello, I don't think we've met. My name is Cass and I have been bestowed with all the letters of the alphabet and my psych meds are messed up this week so you get to be dragged into my barely medicated current hyperfixation fugue, i.e. Larry Stylinson.

Run away now those who fear the truth!

I take that back this is literally my opinion.

It's also not strictly romantic Larry, this could easily also be platonic Larry.

I had some possible realizations about the Kiwi MV and decided I needed to share with the class...

Ok, so first off, I'm of the opinion that Louis had some, if not a LOT of involvement in the writing of the song Kiwi or that H wrote it from his perspective and in his style. We saw it being worked on while 1D was still together and I think it was either meant for the band or was written for Harry to sing but about/from the mindset of Louis. All my future thoughts are based on this premise so if you disagree I'm sorry you wasted a click.

I know L isn't credited but that doesn't mean he wasn't involved. Kiwi just sounds so much more like Louis than Haz, add in the fact that L would NOT have been allowed to release anything close to those lyrics nor would it suit L's voice, and we get what we have now, H releasing a banger that shows off his voice but doesn't quite fit in with the rest of his album. I think lyrically it's a proper mix of H's metaphors and L's candor while musically it has L's percussive driven vibe and very long stretches of singing on a single breath that are super common in L's music. So either L helped or H wrote it to sound like L.

OK, so now that we've established the basis for my theory let's move on to the video...

The video is 3:03 min long, and H is not seen until 2:12.

Now because of the matching suits and the hair, we have all assumed that the main young lady is supposed to represent Harry, but what if the girl is supposed to be the writer of the song i.e. Louis?

For the sake of this essay(lol), I'm going to refer to the girl as Lou from here on out.

We first see Lou enter an institutional building holding a plastic box of cupcakes. From the box and the look of the cupcakes we can infer that they are brought from home.

In other words, young child Lou entered the the building/music industry with assets/talents/gifts she already had before she arrived. Also supporting this is the fact that the frosting on the fairy cakes is Louis blue and rustic, implying untrained raw talent compaired to the fancily decorated cakes we see piled in the middle of the room possibly representing all the songs and music or other resources the studio had to offer.

Next we see all the other children/talent/musicians each with their own personal weapon/song/gift getting ready to fight.

For what? Space in the industry? A place on the album? Money? Success? All of the above? We never really see what they are fighting for, just that they are being pitted against each other.

Next we get this spectacular child;

He and this shot are truly amazing. Now the video has a look and a feel that is not super modern, but this child above and beyond the others has a 60's vibe. The clothes and the hair are giving early Beatles while the toothpick is giving gangster. So a "boss" from the 60s? Someone older who is in charge perhalps? Also, note that this child never throws or even HOLDS any cake, and after the initial stage of the battle, he is never seen again.

He quite obviously is challenged by Lou but he doesn't actually throw anything, nor does Lou fire the first shot. We don't actually see what starts the battle but we do see his obvious glee at shots being fired.

Next we see shots of the battlefeild, children throwing cake at each other as well as a few just quietly consuming their own cake which I take to mean that they perhalps gave up and decided not to partake in the fight at all.

Lou Then looks down to find her ammunition depleted, which could be interpretted as being used up or burnt out, and runs to the center pile of cake to grab an armful and crawl back out, she is the first to pull from the pile. Perhalps, she is too tired to walk or is attempting to sneak away with a piece of the "pie"?

At this point Harry finally enters the video, holding a puppy.

So I believe that Harry is playing himself and that the puppies are the fans. Harry has opened the door to the industry and hand carried the fans inside. Then with an epic war cry he unleashes(heh) hell! Sending in a brigade of puppies right when Lou was on the ground looking ready to give up!

The dogs/fans all come running into the room and begin consuming all of the cake/music that has been strewn all over the floor, one going right up to Lou and eating directly out of her hand.

This could be the doorway the boys always tried to give us into how they were treated and what they wanted to do vs what they were told they had to do.

Some of the puppies/fans find other children/musicians and stay protected with them while Harry, Lou, and one puppy hide behind a chair baricade. Harry, like the boss, does not throw any cake. Instead, he hands a cake to Lou for her to throw as a grenade while Harry protects the puppy.

So H is being supportive and helpful while protecting what matters, and allowing Lou to fight for herself. Like maybe releasing a song of words that L would never be able to say himself? Telling the fans the truth in the only way they could?

Next we see more carnage including this genius shot of a presumably dead child being mourned by a friend.

Casualties of the fight? Two boys who appear to be important to each other not surviving the industry?

Finally we end on this;

The survivors, battered(heh) but not broken, standing proud and together after the fight. Harry with his little smirk.

Now I may be streching here but H is a very expressive person and having seen many of his smirks I feel like this one is giving a little fuck you I just did that and no one could stop me vibe. I definitely see a whiff of "come at me bro" in that smile.

What do you think? Did I just manage to make sense out of one of the most chaotic videos of all time or am I a whackadoodle?

Nevermind, I know the answer lol

PS Did you know that kiwi birds mate for life and that the males incubate the eggs? Just some trivia for you... obviously doesn't mean anything... obviously...

#harry styles #kiwi #kiwi video #louis tomilson #larry stylinson #video analysis #kinda #ramblings #kiwi music video #harry styles kiwi #kiwi song

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thestylesindependent · 2 years ago

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Harry Styles is a pop star people will talk about for generations. Over the course of three albums and two packed-out world tours, he’s topped the charts and found a home in the hearts of audiences seemingly everywhere he goes. He’s sold out venues around the world, some several times over, and is one of just three musical artists to have a permanent banner hanging in the rafters at Madison Square Garden. He’s broken records, won Grammys, and near-single-handedly revived the feather boa industry – and the list goes on.

When he takes to the stage at Wembley Stadium for the first of four sold-out shows there, the venue erupts into celebration. But tonight isn’t about an artist at the top of their game appearing in front of an adoring audience of thousands (though that also happens to be true). Harry’s show is, as it always has been, a celebration of love, connection, and absolute bangers.

In the city that’s been his base for 13 years, in a venue just down the road from where One Direction first formed, seeing him perform feels especially momentous. “Honey, I’m home!” he sing-songs as he settles centre-stage, his own gleeful way of letting the audience know that not only is he exactly where he belongs in this moment, so are they. This place is a safe space, where – as he requests of the crowd at every show he performs – you can “feel free to be whoever it is you’ve always wanted to be.”

His fans welcome that invitation and run with it. There’s sequins and glitter a-plenty, feathers and rhinestones galore. Giant fruit costumes? There’s so many. It’s emboldened, it’s expressive, and it’s full of joy – and really, isn’t that what live music is all about?

From the moment he first bounds across the stage to the swaggering melodies of ‘Daydreaming’, almost falling onto a podium elevating one of his bandmates in the process, Harry holds the 90,000-strong audience in the palm of his hand. “Okay,” he beams sunnily in response to their sung-along request to ‘Adore You’, “but just tonight.”

For two hours, he treats his audience to a career-spanning set that leaves no era forgotten. ‘Little Freak’ and ‘Matilda’ are made heart-achingly tender in front of a crowd, while ‘Music For A Sushi Restaurant’ becomes a literal jamboree. Teasing the chorus of One Direction’s ‘Best Song Ever’ before launching into ‘What Makes You Beautiful’ prompts an all-out dance party that feels practically euphoric, and a moment of stillness as he drinks in the sight of fireworks exploding during ‘Sign Of The Times’ is enough to have the whole venue swooning where they stand.

Strutting across the stage as he gives ‘Medicine’ an irregular outing (sir, we thank you for your service) before holding out his microphone as the crowd sing along to every word of the unreleased fan favourite, Harry is a godlike figure in custom Gucci, commanding and exalting his audience every step of the way.

He treats them with the same reverence as they treat him. Pausing between songs to check in, asking “are we all feeling emotionally stable?” he takes it in stride when the answer is an emphatic “NO!” After a shower of flowers is thrown towards the stage during ‘Grapejuice’, before he leaves, he shares his flowers out among the crowd. “I know how important it is to be here tonight, what it means to me to be here tonight,” he tells the room in a moment of unguarded sincerity. “It makes it feel like it’s supposed to be something all unto itself.”

“It gets really scary that it might never live up to what I think it’s gonna be,” he continues, expressing gratitude to his band, his crew, the staff, the room, every person in front of and behind him. “I want to thank you, because every single time I come here you give me these memories that I know I’m gonna be thinking about for the rest of my life.”

He’s not the only one that’ll carry tonight with them. Gathering at the edge of the arena to practice the boot scoot dance routine between bands, joining up in a conga line during ‘Treat People With Kindness’, swaying arm-in-arm with friends and strangers during ‘Matilda’, lying down to look at the stars during ‘Fine Line’, his fans jump heart first into every moment not just with him, but with each other.

Together, they make this surreal, sensational experience feel like home. This isn’t just Harry’s show; it’s everyone’s.

#harry styles #june 2023

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ghostofwriting · 9 months ago

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love of my life by harry styles is also a song that i think rafe would put out on the album.

"i dont know you half as well as all my friends [...] maybe you dont know whats lost til you find it."

idk at this point every sad harry song makes me think of #them .

okay me. There are a lot of songs that make me think of them but none of them come close to Place In Me by Luke Hemmings which is why I chose it and keep mentioning it in the tweets.

I'm using this ask as a place to dissect it because my brain will not stop thinking about the correlation between the song and Rafe x reader. I didn't even base this fic off the song but it fits so perfectly so I HAVE to talk about it.

Hold on I never meant you any harm Got no legs to stand on I was just dancin' in the dark

"dancing in the dark" was his mindset during that whole era, he was on drugs, and his mental health wasn't doing well at all. It's not an excuse but he's finally coming to terms with how much he hurt her but he has nothing to stand on because he shouldn't have done what he did to her, there's no excuse. He's telling her in song to hold on, to listen to the lyrics for insight on how he feels because he doesn't know how to tell her any other way.

Now with my eyes wide open It's heaven in your arms, mm

He sees it now, now that he's in a better place mentally and he's clean, he can see the harm he has caused and what he has lost. "Heaven in your arms" obviously knowing that she helped him so much and he was so safe to fall apart with her, realizing his feelings go way deeper than he thought they did but being stuck. And of course 'heaven' to tie it back to 'angel.'

Hold on I never meant to start a war I was just dead wrong I know we've been in this before

Again, not excusing him but, he didn't know what he was doing when he said those things to her. He had his reasons, which I will expand on in the fic. He didn't mean to start this friction between them for all those years and make his friends choose sides. He realizes that he was wrong but again, he's stuck. She won't look at him how she used to.

Now with my eyes wide open I tore you right apart, mm

Speaks for itself, he tore her apart, he ruined her and he knows that now that there's clarity.

Call me in the morning, yeah I'm sorry that I let you down, I I'm so apathetic, it's pathetic But I need you now, now

This is him knowing that he's in the wrong for needing her because of how much he's harmed her. Y/n said that she couldn't believe that the person she had known since she was 10, the boy that he was at 13 would have done to her what he did to her. And he knows that. He knows what she thinks.

Sun's gone But you always liked this time of day No words left to play on How many chances does it take? Now with my eyes wide open I'm nothing but a fake

This verse explains how tied he is to her, how his identity is very much based on how she sees him and how he doesn't think too highly of his self-worth if she sees him as a bad guy. "No words left to play on" The fact that she doesn't give him the time of day, there is nothing that he can do to fix it with her.

Don't you move Can't we just stay? Can we start over? Don't fade away

'Cause you'll always have a place in me

You'll always have a place in me

I think the rest of this is pretty on the nose. That's why it fits so perfectly. He doesn't want her to leave, he wants a chance to start over with her but he's dumb and has no idea how to tell her that and is going about it all wrong. As well as the fact that y/n doesn't want anything to do with him. Had this been anyone else, she would have left their life and never looked back. He knows that and he also knows that she only tolerates him for the band. In a way, he's lucky because without the band he would have never seen her again. He's very limited in what he can do to get her attention and ask for another chance. He also just doesn't think he deserves one. Selfishly though, he wants her to stay with him forever, even if it's at arm's length. even if that means she never talks to him again. Because she will always have a place in him.

Anyway thank you for reading to the end of this if you did. I love this song, I love Luke, and I love how well this goes with Rafe's pov.

#kildaresplit au

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penname-artist · 1 year ago

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Reymund Valentinas Brainrot

My brain currently fixated on this child again this morning and I want to fact-dump some more while he STILL doesn't have a debut fic, unlike his brother. >:(

-If you've ever wanted to get a clearer picture of the kind of life and relationships Apollo and Rey had, not just as siblings but in relation to their parents, just look at all of the flashbacks that Tahani has of her sister and herself in The Good Place. Envision that as Apollo. You'll see why he's always at ends with Rey.

-Reymund went through interesting phases through his childhood. Yes, he did have his major emo phase that Apollo checked out of, and that did have a hand in his music taste, but remember that he was also a stupidly affluent kid growing up, and everything he was into had to have a sense of tastefulness to it the likes a good aesthetic should have. What I'm saying is that his emo phase was less about grunge and more about marrying victorian goth to a Renessaince Depression.

-Since his breaking away from home and going full musical career, Rey's done some pretty impressive stuff for what was essentially a kid. Among those things was break out of a lot of previously daunting 'norms' of a successful musical artist, including the themes that reached his songs, which were almost exclusively never directly about romantic love.

-Ironically - and discovered completely by accident - Reymund and Jackson Storm are the same age, both born in the year 1991. Though, Rey is still quite a bit younger, given he was born on December 4th.

-When the name "Reyzor C" became big in the music industry, a lot of people were of course wondering what the C was there to stand for. They could make the connection of Reymund to Reyzor, but his last name was Valentinas; where's the C? Well it comes out of his middle name, Christian. Yup, his name is Reymund Christian Valentinas.

-He has aquired more music-note tattoos over the years in various locations along his body (or paint, depending on the style you use). However, most all of them are tiny, aside from his one main tattoo featured on his left outer thigh (or in the WoC, his left flank)

-You can tell the age of the albums he's created based on the length of his hair; when he started out, he had a very short asymmetrical cut going on. Over the years though, the left side of his hair has continuously been left to grow longer.

-Tell NOBODY that his nosering was inspired by Apollo getting a tongue piercing. He wanted one too and just didn't want to be called out for copying, so he just chose a piercing on a different part of the body and called it a day.

-Although Rey identifies securely as a cis male, his fashion sense is nigh short of Harry Styles levels of gender-fuckery. Heels? 100%. Flowing floral tops? You know it. Jewelry? Absolutely, the more the merrier. So long as it fits that aesthetic they're trying to capture, Reymund has enjoyed wearing a whole myriad of different styles.

-A lot of his more recent anxiety problems have been spiked further not just from the constant pressure to write specific genres of songs, but also because of the recent retirement of his absolute favorite makeup artist who's walked him through the mass majority of his weariness. Saga - who you might remember from here - has been a pillar in his career and personal life, and though she's no longer working now, they've remained in touch. (Funny how that circle comes around, ain't it?)

-Few times have Rey and Apollo actually seen eye-to-eye on matters, but when they do, it's a very heartwarming sibling moment. One of the most notable was Rey's first Pride Parade experience. He was really anxious the majority of the time, so Apollo (who'd gone with him for the sake of nerves) tried to comfort him in what ways he could, and ice cream seemed like a good bet. Vegan, of course, though. He knows his preferences. (side note I added the "I forgot about posting this for Pride until it was long after the month of Pride" comic strip OF this occurance)

-Ironically, you can almost always tell when they're standing next to each other that Apollo and Rey are siblings. They're the same height, the same hair color and usually same style, they're both thin and lanky, pale-skinned, their eye color is pretty close to one another (Rey's a little more green and Apollo's a little more hazel) and even a lot of their speaking tone and mannerisms are strikingly similar. It's a shame they've clashed so much over their lives, they could make an awesome duo business together.

M'kay that's my brainrot for now, danke for listening in because my God I wanna get this poor child off the ground and into a fic, and it's IN the process of being written, I'm just working on like 40+ WiPs again as per usual. But enjoy nonetheless!

#disney planes #disneyplanes #planes fire and rescue #disney planes 2 #Rey Valentinas #Reymund Valentinas #Reyzor C #apollo valentinas

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fallingsunflower · 2 years ago

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Thanks love ♡ :) Would you mind just clarifying the question? Are you asking my thoughts on Harry and how his team molds him? Or something different? Just want to make sure I answer correctly! /// Yeah! asking about what do you think his team's weaknesses are and what do you think would be better thing for you to see come out of Harry and the way he is looked at by the media? I just want your thoughts on Harry and his team and maybe other people could answer too? Thank you again!

no problem, happy to answer :)

I suspect Jeff’s had his eye on Harry for a loooong time since the 1D days, which seems plausible because they’ve been friends for a while. I suspect Jeff whispered in his ear how great a solo career would be, hence a slight shift I picked up on during 1D. I blame Harry entirely for why 1D split up (I’m not angry about it - just my opinion). I think at the time he was young and impressionable and placed all his trust in other people beside himself, which is something I think he struggles with till this day. He reminds me as someone who knows what he wants and is confident up until a point before feeling the need to ask for permission (generally speaking). I think he deals with some attachment issues, plus a sprinkle of anxiety and depression. I worry it might worsen if he doesn’t slow down because he doesn’t seem to have many friends, or rather close friends, that he doesn’t work with and the people he DOES work with seem somewhat fame hungry. I think they care about Harry but not in the way he needs, but of course I could be wrong. Like for example Jeff strikes me at the type to run over right away if Harry falls down to make sure he’s okay, but then say “don’t you want to get back up?” which passive aggressively inserts his own opinion into Harry’s and kind of twists him into believing Jeff’s wants are his own. Does that make sense? It’s just a vibe I get based off of a couple interactions I’ve seen. I think Harry’s team is pushy and manipulative but they don’t realize it fully, and Harry is easily moldeable and also doesn’t entirely realize he might be taken advantage of (although I could also suspect he realizes something is wrong but doesn’t know exactly what). All he’s known is Simon Cowell and Jeffrey Azoff. Jeff prob seemed like God above coming to save him from 1D and now he can’t leave him - aka the attachment issues I mentioned earlier (again my opinion) and Jeff knows it. And I think the other members of Harry’s team are piggybacking and riding the fame train. Harry Styles has become a brand but personally, I’d rather know Harry the person.

In my dream world, and this is going to be controversial, I would love to see Harry open up a little more. Maybe make his Instagram more personal. Post for his mom’s birthday. Talk about how grateful he is for his fans. Share what he’s doing every once in a while. Share some of his feelings about love and places he likes, maybe his favorite recipe or book. I’d also want to see him openly support other artists/people just because and not when it’s convenient for him. I also think he should better communicate with his fans. I think the relationship between him and his fans has turned into a relationship between God and her followers, which it shouldn’t be. It seems unhealthy and I fully believe if he set boundaries and talked about it, we would see a major shift in a positive way. I would also like to see him promote his OWN things, such as Pleasing, Gucci HaHaHa, his own songs or movies. It all comes across as such an impersonal money thing sometimes and it’s such a turn off for me personally.

I think that ^^ it partially Harry’s decision from not wanting to be on social media that often which is fair, but I also think his team is egging it on. Keeps him “mysterious” and a blank canvas so his fans can idolize him and he can appeal to a larger percentage of people. Pick a category and you can almost always put him in that box if you look at it from that perspective.

Idk if this fully answers the question. Harry’s teams weaknesses, imo, are sprinkled into my response. I just think they want to be big and famous and everything else isn’t as important.

Happy to talk more about it :)

Also just to stress again, this is just my opinion. I can already sense the angry asks lmao

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xomby · 2 years ago

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hi you have an excellent taste in music could i ask about the yates playlist i would very much like to hear about the yates playlist!! :)

OMG HI first of all thank you and i’m so excited you’re interested in the playlist!!! i guess the basic rundown i can do is what songs goes to what events, and hopefully you see where i’m coming from cause some of these are insane to me in terms of yates 🤧

1-5: of little to no relevance they’re just early yates fun, also i definitely put genres and sounds that i think seem like the characters regardless of lyrics so they’re all just music i think yates would like basically idk

gotta get up- harry nilsson: beginning of his burnout. idk it’s about growing up and life getting less fun and seeming busy and serious which seems so real for him

chemical world- blur: GREEN DEATH BABY. most of the song is obviously referencing the progression of our “chemical world” to a point of emptiness and dysfunction which is real for the serial and also ik these lyrics:

are about drugs but in any context anything about something eating away at you/ diminishing identity can be soooo gutting in yates context..

got a feelin’- the mamas & the papas: no lyrical relevance but another green death song just cause it would ball on the soundtrack for when he’s brainwashed

life line- harry nilsson: first of all shoutout to the point! for being an incredible movie. secondly, this song is so definitively the yates getting un-brainwashed by the metabelis crystal. i have a whole 70s style psychedelic animation of it planned out in my head that i hope to make to this song someday. god it’s incredible just listen to it and picture yates pov metabelis crystal un-brainwashing please. these are the final lyrics

set me free- the kinks: post brainwashing agony song

look at me now- elo: invasion of the dinosaurs song 🤒 i think it does sooo well capturing the stress and like awful feelings of his arc in that serial

breakdown- suede: operation golden age fails he loses everything and everyone and then his mind finally becomes a little clearer and he’s left with nothing 👍

who loves the sun- the velvet underground: this one goes along with what i imagine would be a time of being quietly resigned to misery.. he’s trying sort himself out and come to some kind of peace, but it’s the early days of healing from trauma which are literally awful

fender bender- kid koala: just very late-arc yates music based on sound alone idk

new world rising/ocean breakup reprise- elo: planet of the spiders yayyy!!! this one has such a positive sort of tune paired with such intense instrumentals it’s a good parallel for the serial.. yates is trying actively to heal and be positive and forgive himself, while around him things keep on being a mess, but much more lighthearted than the 2 prior adventures

norwegian wood- the beatles: post planet of the spiders. peaceful, whimsical, hippyish.. very much the vibe i think he wants by the end. this one feels like a positive closing note for his character

SO that’s very long but that’s the gist of it!!! i hope i explained this decently and our minds are on the same yates wavelength cause i know soooo much of the relevance of these are conjecture or just personal opinion…. but i hope this is kind of what you’re looking for, and again i’m so happy you’re into the playlist!!!!! 😋😋

#god when i get going about yates #doctor who #classic who #mike yates #ask

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gummybugg · 1 year ago

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What types of music are/would your characters be into? Any particular songs that you could imagine your characters listening to? - @new-royston-cursebreakers :)

Ohohoho~ I more or less give all of my characters designated genres / artists, so this is very fun!

For my story Crater City:

Blair - generally 80s rock; I can see him listening to Billy Idol, Kiss, and the occasional silly song thrown in like "California Girls" or "Moves like Jagger"

Elijah - punk rock. I'm assuming bands like Mindless Self Indulgence, glass beach, Cage the Elephant, and MCR (for that traditional punk feel)

Frasier - chill rock / psychedelic rock (if that's what it's called). Artists like tv girl, arctic monkeys; songs like "the night" by moody blues, "lover us a day" by cuco, and "strawberry fields forever" by the beatles.

Now, from some characters from Indie's Bar (I promise I haven't forgotten about this story)

Jemmah - songs to make you feel like "a bad bitch space god(dess)," as she puts it: the bands ABBA, Dua Lipa, Jinkx Monsoon, and ELO.

Silas - their playlist is all over the place! It's either funny country songs or a mix of Harry styles and Brittney spears (they are a cowboy demon who is interested in the pop culture of yesteryear)

Bianca - loves pop and indie! Mostly upbeat songs/artists with an occasional sad edge to it. Artists like Jack stauber, beach bunny, Chloe moriondo, and Clairo. She loves the song "fruity" by Chloe moriondo the most, I think!

From my mouse story (the mice come out at night):

Morgana - listens to grunge or Weezer, which should tell you a lot about him as a person (im joking). Bands like the Ramones, McCafferty (which his voice is inspired after), The Rolling Stones, and the Destory Boys.

Vincent - would be very fond of those slow, sad songs. Think of "two of us" by the Beatles, "Euthanasia" by will wood (which his character is based on), and "worm food" by cavetown. And the band Machinery of the Human Heart. All telling songs about him as a person!

Tooth - what do you think of when I say "songs to break glass to"? That's pretty on the mark. Bands like queen, sodikken, the oozes, and destroy boys (see the overlap with his brother, Morgana?).

...

Anyway thanks for the ask, it was very fun and I love the inspiration music gives me to keep writing!

I try to make each character's playlist as distinct as possible because they all have individual stories to tell!

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summonsproductions · 2 years ago

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Drananda Summons Discusses Light

As a part of the Song of the Week, we speak to Drananda Summons to share his thoughts on Light.

You’re inspired by artists like Luther Vandross and Marvin Gaye; Can you name any bands that have inspired you before writing Light?

I could say I was more in a headspace that had seeking to develop the song based off of other inspired artists. My intentions for writing it was to relate to that sensitive intimate side of the listeners as done by artists like Luther Vandross. Even country artists such as Dolly Parton, Morgan Wallen and Billy Ray Cyrus. So, I can say that it was more of a message that I was striving to convey compared to trying to use inspirations specifically from an artist when we’re talking about that piece but on that same level as the artists that I mentioned. You know, those artists that really set an honest precedence about their music. When I wrote light, it was mainly about the message and the impact of someone’s light in your life.

Noticing how much you like experimenting with new styles of music, does writing rock/country-esque music come across as difficult?

No. Rock and country is one of the easier genres because first of all, the derivation of rock and country comes from Black America. When you think of folk, country, western sound, rock & roll, all genres from rock & roll that come from the guitar stroking to shredding, it derives from Black culture. When you think of the Black renaissance, country and rock & roll was owned by Chuck Berry, Charley Pride, Harry Belafonte, Maya Angelou, and Billie Holiday. When we’re talking authentic rock & roll, the godfathers, and godmothers of it, we’re talking about Black Americans. So, to answer your question no. It’s more of a responsibility for me to represent country and rock & roll because of the derivation it possesses. A lot of people say, “oh country and rock are more of a White Americanized” or “Europeanized genre” and that is the complete opposite. Both of the genres come from Black America and also from the south which are two solid factors of my existence to be honest. I come from the south, I am Black American, and I represent Black America. When you know history, you know rock & roll and country play such a solid part in the building of this country and the identity of Black America. So, it’s not hard at all for me to represent country and rock even though many people would say it’s an eclectic genre to work with compared to what you’re accustomed to seeing modern day Black artists working with. But it is definitely a privilege to be able to work in that genre.

We all have obstacles to overcome in a relationship, but what makes life dark and mysterious as described in Light?

When it comes to the relationship aspect, you have to be willing to first know your own light. Know your own value and truth before you just hop in and expect to use someone else’s light. I think that’s the first pause I want to take. When you listen to light you think “oh I feel so safe, so loved, feel the light of someone else.” But the core value of Light is first to understand your own light. A lot of people go throughout this life trying to find their light in something or usually in someone else. That’s not the point of this song. One of my points for this song is for me to encourage people to ignite the light in them and understand that we all need somebody. It may not be in the form of an intimate, loving, situation, but we all need people. When I’m talking about dark and mysterious, I’m talking about those moments in life where you simply don’t know. Where fear is the best option. Where doubt is your most logistical alternative. Where self-hate is even more inviting than self-love. Those parts of “dark and mysterious.” Because it’s easy to go through the experiences of life when everything is going well. But I’m not looking for someone to go through the roses, the pedals, and daisies with me. It’s not even about another person, it’s about me being able to handle these dark and mysterious things on my own to embrace and accept that the uncertainty of reality isn’t what defines life. I don’t want to be with somebody because they make me feel good, the sex is amazing, or I don’t want to be with somebody else. I want to be with you because you want to be with me as much as I want to be with you. Also, we’re striving to figure out the difficult things in life. We’re not trying to be the power couple. We’re striving to figure out how we’re going to be it when you put it in the copulation of two people. When you think of just one person, will you own the darkness that we all have to face? We all have to face this shit. This is something no one can hide from. Besides thinking that you can use drugs, alcohol, or outside substances to hide from these realities or acceptances, I pose that question to the person. I even want to pose that question to them on the day that they say, “I do.” “Will you hold my hand through this dark and mysterious thing we call life.” I’m not trying to go through the good shit with you, I can go through the good shit by myself. I’m trying to go through every fucking thing with you. And that’s what I’m striving to go through.

That’s what I’m striving to interpret during that stanza of the song because you can easily go throughout this life if things are always perfect with the right person. But I want to deal with the right person who’s ready to figure shit out. That’s what separates people from willing to live in the light compared to living in the dark. We all have to face this darkness; we all have to face this unprecedented reality we call life. I want to be with somebody, surrounded by light that is able to withstand the darkness. It’s not just about intimate situations, I don’t want to be ignorant and subjective. What is love? When you take sex, attraction, and goals, what is it? My grandma loves me but that doesn’t mean she’s trying to love me the same way that maybe somebody that I went to college with that’s going to love me. So explain to me what love is. That’s up for you to answer on your own. What kind of light do you want? What kind of reality do you want? Because there’s a lot. There’s a lot of light in this world. There’s all these kinds of lights just as there’s all these forms of love. Your boss loves you in a different way that your friend loves you, and your friend loves you in a different way that your family loves you, and your family loves differently in way than your colleague loves you. They all love you in some way or the other. Just like we have to accept there’s light in every situation one way or the other. So I ask that question because I’m not trying to figure shit out on a surface note. This life is hard, scary, beyond confusing. This is honestly speaking from a perspective of a situation that I’ve gotten myself out of in the nick of time. Do I want to sit here and lie to myself and fixate myself on a relationship that doesn’t exist? Or do I want to live in the reality? I tell myself that I’m willing to live in the reality of life. If that person is not ready to live in reality with me, then I have to accept that. I ask that question because this life is fucked up. I don’t care who you are what you’re about, where you come from, this life is fucked.

Can you give a small bit of advice on how someone can bring out the best in you or them vice versa?

The short answer is you can’t. There is no way that you can bring something out of someone else. Your presence may be powerful enough to invoke them to make certain decisions that may be positive or out of their norm. The humbling reality that I would want to say as an artist on record, is that you can’t bring shit out of nobody. You can provoke, antagonize, motivate, encourage, or push people, but you can’t make anyone feel anything. That adds on to the song Light. The light comes from the source that provides light; it doesn’t come from the outside. It’s not the sky or the sea that makes the sunlight, it’s the sun. Without the sun, the ocean is just the ocean, the sky is just the sky, the mountains are just the mountains. But it’s the sun that produces the sunlight on all those things that change the entire trajectory. The sun can’t make the room bright. Windows can make the sun come into the room. I hope I’m making sense. This is something I’ve stepped away from because I’ve accepted that I can’t bring out the light in you. You’d have to want to bring out the light in you and thus bring our lights together. That’s the thing, that’s the trick because you can go out in this light and provoke and encourage people to be their best self and then you’ll find out “oh god I’m so drained, I’m so exhausted, why do I feel like this, why do feel aggravated, why do I feel like I’m appreciated” that’s where all those whiplashes will come from. When you get to a point of centeredness and balance where you know you are not responsible for other people’s light, you are able to sleep at night. In some people you see their greatness, their value, and they don’t want to step into it, to manifest, to operate in that greatness. That is completely their problem.

You are in control of your own light. Whatever response you receive from that light, is the universe that has it. Sometimes you get good vibes, negative vibes, and then a person may ask “how do I define my light?” You shouldn’t. Not based off your experiences; you define your light on every experience and then you learn from the responses of people. Maybe I need to guard my heart in this particular situation. Maybe I don’t need to be that forthcoming. You learn your boundaries. I’ve learned for example when I smile, that invites a lot for people. Some people think I’m ready to listen to all their fucking problems. Some people think I’m a naïve person ready to give them all that I’ve got. Some people think I’m a good ass person which I am. Some people think I’m a vibe. I can’t control what people interpret or receive out of this smile but what I can control is my boundaries that I set up. People have to be preserved. They’re like, “I don’t even want to speak to the people who have feelings for somebody.” If you’re feeling that person and you feel this conviction, “oh I got to bring out the light in them, I got to love, I got to show them how great they are,” that’s not the person for you. That’s not the right energy you deserve. It’s not. The truth is when you get involved with somebody, your duty is to serve them. That’s why I’m not pressed to be in a relationship. I’m really not because the real responsibility of being in a relationship is being there for them, serving them, loving them, learning them, and being open to their reality and being exposed to their transitions. It’s a lot to take on another human being’s totality. I’m 25 now I’m out the high school shit. I think to marry now. So the little puppy love stuff is kind of out. I’ve accepted that I date to marry now. I’m not trying to date just because it’s sex or anything else. I’m dating you because even if we don’t end up at the end of the hour together, I saw myself marrying you. I saw myself being with you. I’m a little bit staunch with the little old school perspective when it comes to what you’re looking out for in somebody nowadays. You can ask yourself, “are you looking for a good time, for commitment, or you don’t want to be alone?” That’s up to you and your inner thoughts. No judgement because everyone has a right to how they feel but you have to understand the power of your light at the end of the day and you’re not responsible for igniting anyone else’s fire. It hurts because when you see somebody you’re down for, that you want to love, and that you want to appreciate you’re just like, “Damn. I wish you could see what I see. I wish you could act the way I want you to act. I wish you could operate the way I believe you should operate.” But humility invokes you and reminds you that this isn’t your life. This isn’t your light. It’s like my mom says, “this isn’t your monkey, this isn’t your circus.” You don’t control the trajectory and I want to keep my fans on the real.

I don’t want you to sit there chasing somebody who doesn't deserve your light. I don’t want you sitting there hoping for someone or some situation that isn’t deserving of your full value. You have a whole idea, a whole light. If you say, “we’re meant to be,” be careful with that. If you say this person was “designed” for me, that’s a whole other level. Until you get to that point where you’re willing to compromise your light with the person, the environment, and people; it’s more than just the monogamous, intimate experience. It’s about your entire light that we’re talking about. It’s about the entire light that you provide, and you have to live in that. That’s no one else’s responsibility. There’s nothing wrong with your light but you have to get down with the person that’s ready to fully receive all of you. Not pieces of you, not junctures of you, but the totality of you. The light that’s within you because when light shines you can’t hide it or mask it unless you’re close to the source. I can’t hide the light of the lamp across the room but when I’m close to it, I can cover it up. So you got to be careful about who you surround yourself with so you don’t have people covering up your light in areas that you don’t need covered up. That concludes my answer to the question.

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